Intentional Love: The Complete Book
Complete Book — Free to Read
Intentional Love:
Worshiping God Through
Your Marriage
A Biblical Guide to Loving Your Spouse Like Christ Loves the Church
by A Servant of God · The Eastern Church
Also available at TheEasternChurch.com
A Word from the Author's Wife
I remember one of the first times Jeremy looked at me during a hard moment in our relationship. I knew he was frustrated with me, and I braced myself for the argument I was sure was coming. I was already playing over in my head the downward spiral and breakdown of communication that would happen — the frustration building in both of us, words said out of anger or hurt, and then, for me, a complete shutdown. I've always tended to retreat because I grew up avoiding confrontation and not knowing how to deal with conflict properly. But instead, he looked at me with something different in his eyes and simply said, "I love you." And that was it. I was a bit dumbfounded, because at that point in our marriage, we didn't really understand how to communicate our feelings or needs out of a loving place. We hadn't yet put into practice the things you'll find in this book, the guide we now offer to you!
We had both experienced a lot of hurt and hard things in our relationship, as well as individually in our pasts before meeting each other. We had both gone through abuse, broken relationships, financial and family crises, along with many other life and childhood experiences that influenced the way we communicated and responded to one another. We often reacted from these places of pain because neither of us had yet experienced the healing and growth that only comes from the Healer, the God of the universe. As time went on, I noticed more often that even when Jeremy was angry or frustrated, he responded in a different way. I started noticing small changes in the way he spoke to not only me but to our kids and the people he came in contact with daily. Little differences in his actions — small things he started doing that he had never done before.
Let me say this: Jeremy was an amazing man when I first met him, or I wouldn't have married him. But there were things he (and I) needed to work on, things we didn't know, and things I feel like God revealed to him that changed us both as individuals and as a couple. These changes saved our marriage, and now we get to share them with you and your partner! Noticing his changes made me start doing some internal evaluating. How could I be better for him? How could I love him like he was now loving me? He was different, but I didn't know exactly why or what had changed.
When we made a huge move from Missouri to Texas, things really seemed to shift for us. It felt, and still feels, like God's hand was on this move — not just for our relationship, but for our individual growth as well. In this place, we found our God. We found the truest form of God's love for each other that you can experience here on earth. It brought us closer to each other and closer to Jesus. We want to share how God has worked through our decision to use our marriage as a way to worship this amazing Creator with y'all!
This isn't your typical marriage book or workbook filled with tips and tricks for a happier relationship — although if you put these ideas into practice, happiness will naturally follow as you fall in love with your spouse the way Christ loves you. This book is a heartfelt invitation to transform your marriage into a living act of worship! My husband has poured his heart and soul into these pages. He's not just offering advice but sharing the journey we've walked together — a journey that turned our sometimes struggling relationship into a sacred space where God's presence is felt daily. The core message here is simple yet profoundly impactful: when your marriage is rooted in the love of Christ, it becomes a reflection of God's grace and a place where His love can be seen, felt, and multiplied.
As God worked in Jeremy's heart and guided him to love me as Christ loves the church, using our marriage as an act of worship, it changed everything for us. Let me tell you, this isn't always an easy road. There will be frustration, hurt you need to work through, and moments of miscommunication. Some days, you might feel like you're fighting an uphill battle and wonder if getting to the top of that hill is even worth it. I promise you, if you're holding this book, it's for a reason. I promise that if you open your heart and mind and put these practices into action, you will reach the top of that hill, intertwined with the love of your life, feeling a love you've never known before.
We went from surviving — sometimes hanging by threads — stuck in patterns of miscommunication and frustration, to truly thriving with an openness we had never experienced. Every chapter in this book is a piece of that journey, a roadmap that led us from feeling disconnected and disheartened to a place of deep connection and overwhelming happiness. This isn't a quick fix. It's a daily decision, a commitment, a series of small, intentional choices that reflect the love of Christ. And let me tell you, it's worth every word, every page, and every daily decision. The results in our own marriage have been nothing short of miraculous.
If you're reading this now, I truly believe God has brought you here for a reason. Whether your marriage is already strong and you want to make it even better, or if you're feeling distant and unsure of how to bridge the gap, there is hope. The same God who transformed my marriage is ready to do the same for you.
Prayer: My Father, I pray for the hearts of those reading this right now. Please open their hearts and minds as they go through these pages. Allow them to see things in a new way. Give them the perseverance and patience needed as they practice loving their spouse better. I ask that You soften the hearts of their spouses and allow for healing only You can bring. Give them the desire to share, to be open, and to work through what they need to work through. Bless them with new dreams and desires for their lives together. I ask that You use this book and my husband's heart to change and move in marriages across the world. Help us to use our marriage to always point people back to You. In Jesus' beautiful name, Amen.
Blessings on your journey. May you be open to God — the God Who IS love — and to your spouse. May you find the courage to love selflessly, the patience to continue, the strength to forgive, and the joy that comes from walking this path together, hand-in-hand with God at the center. Remember, you're not alone — God is with you every step of the way, ready to bless you and your marriage with a love that knows no bounds. Get ready for an incredible journey, because the best is yet to come.
A Marriage That Reflects God's Love
Let me start by telling you something that thrills me and fills me with excitement and joy: your relationships with God, and with your spouse, are about to go through an amazing and fantastic transformation. Every single couple has the potential to experience incredible joy, love, and blessing through their marriage. No matter where you are right now — whether you're newlyweds brimming with excitement, long-term partners feeling strong and steady, or a couple working through challenges — you're on the edge of something spiritually amazing in your marriage.
The journey you are now starting on is one where God Himself will show up and bless what you're using to worship Him — your marriage. As you invite Him into your relationship in a new and intentional way, He will fill it with more joy, love, and connection than you can imagine. Even if you're already happy, get ready, because it's about to get even better!
Years ago, my wife and I were far from having the kind of marriage we enjoy today. Like so many other couples, we were just trying to make it through each day, barely keeping our heads above water. At times it felt like roommates sharing a home, not a devoted, deep love. But through intent work and focusing on God — today, we have the most beautiful, joy-filled marriage imaginable. Our love is real, it's deep, and it's absolutely the most amazing relationship anyone on earth has ever had. I have the most amazingly happy marriage on earth, and I want you to have it too, and you can, and by the end of this book, you will.
While my wife and I are far from perfect people — we make mistakes, we have our flaws — our marriage, despite our imperfections, has become something truly unusual to most people. A marriage like this didn't just happen to us by chance. We didn't stumble into this kind of love or "get lucky." No, we fought for it. We made it happen by doing one critical thing: we intentionally put God at the center of everything. Every decision, every conversation, every act of love — we made it all about Him. And in return, God has filled our marriage with blessings of love in abundance.
One of the things that changed for me was realizing how powerful the habit of prayer is within marriage. In the beginning, being incredibly introverted, I prayed alone, quietly asking God to help me, to guide me, to show me how to be the husband I wanted to be. Those private prayers were like laying bricks, slowly building a foundation for something greater. When you pray together as a couple, you aren't just asking for help — you're inviting God into the center of your marriage.
Let me take you back so you understand how this adventure to God, and an amazing marriage started. Years ago, without realizing it, I was on two paths that were going to come together and change my life. The first was a journey to find more of God. I knew deep down that I needed Him closer in my life, but I couldn't quite figure out how to reach that closeness. I had this intense, burning desire to know Him, to feel His presence in my day-to-day life.
When my wife and I got married, she came from a very religious family, and I was very excited to join this family. I was really excited about finally having someone in my life who would teach me about the real Jesus. What I didn't expect, though, was to be outcast and rejected from day one. I felt outcast, judged, and left out. They didn't just keep me at arm's length — it was like they already decided I didn't belong. I remember sitting alone at family gatherings, watching them laugh and share their stories while I sat there, a stranger in the room.
But over time, I began to see something unexpected — a blessing hidden in that hurt. With no outside guidance, my search for God became completely my own. My journey was lonely at times, sure, but it was pure, unfiltered by anyone else's opinions. Just me and God. That space became something beautiful. It was like God was inviting me into something deeper, just between us.
At the same time, I was facing challenges in my marriage that at times felt overwhelming. In the first couple of years of our marriage, I remember a moment where I was sitting in our room, feeling frustrated and honestly a little angry. I was thinking, "She's not doing her job of making me happy." And then, I had this realization: I'd been looking for happiness in the wrong place. I shouldn't be putting the responsibility for my personal happiness on my wife; real joy was something I needed to find through God. I recognized that there was a hole in me — and it wasn't a marriage-shaped hole I was trying to fill; it was a God-shaped hole. This was the moment the mindset shift started to happen.
As I pursued both of these journeys — seeking to grow closer to God and trying to figure out how to help my marriage be stronger — while reading my Bible something clicked. I realized that my marriage wasn't just a relationship between two people; it was a way to worship God. I started to see that the way I loved my wife was directly connected to my relationship with God. It wasn't just about being a good husband. I was learning that I can use my marriage as a gift to offer God.
Each time I intently chose to love my wife in this way, I could feel a tangible shift in our relationship. Every act of love, whether big or small, became an act of worship. I began to realize that loving my wife was more than just showing up or doing nice things for her. It was an act of worship — a way to honor God in my everyday interactions with her. Once I started loving her with that perspective, things inside of us began to change in ways I couldn't have imagined.
Loving this way requires humility. It meant stepping down from the need to always be right or to have things go my way. It wasn't about power or control — it was about surrender. And in that shift, something incredible took place — my wife began responding with that same love. At that point, I hadn't even told her about my journey to draw closer to God through our marriage as a form of worship. But even without knowing, she started coming closer to God on her own, and as a result, coming closer to me.
Marriage isn't about balancing each other out or giving 50/50. It's about both of us giving 100% all the time. Marriage, when centered on worshiping God, becomes a relationship where both people pour into each other from the overflow of God's love.
God didn't design marriage to be something we just survive. He designed it to be a blessing — a source of joy, growth, and deep connection. And if you bring Him back into the center of your relationship, you can experience a marriage that's not just good, but truly extraordinary. It's never too late. All it takes is intent — a decision to invite Him back into the center of your relationship, and your life. You don't have to wait for a crisis to start praying together, serving each other, or making your marriage an act of worship. It can start today, right where you are.
A Journey to the Happiest Marriage
Marriage is one of life's most beautiful gifts God has given us. It's full of joy, laughter, and moments of deep connection, but it also brings challenges, struggles, and times of testing. Whether you're in a season of joy or difficulty right now, I want you to know that something truly wonderful and spiritual is about to happen in your marriage.
My wife and I have what I believe is the happiest marriage imaginable. We didn't just stumble into this happiness. It didn't happen by chance or luck. We had to work for it — hard. We had to make intentional choices, invest in each other, and, most importantly, make God the center of our relationship.
In the early years of our marriage, I would describe what we had as a "worldly marriage." It was a love mostly driven by feelings — serotonin and dopamine, the natural highs that come with infatuation and excitement. But as anyone who's been married for a while knows, those feelings start to fade. When the rush wore off, we found ourselves in a place of confusion: "Is this it? Is this what marriage is supposed to feel like?" We didn't realize then what we know now — that real, lasting love isn't just a feeling. It's a choice. Love is something you commit to every single day, whether the feelings have run out or not.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
Ephesians 5:25One day, while reading my Bible and trying to find God, I came upon this verse I had seen a thousand times, but this time it hit me differently. Since that day, I have thought about that verse every single day of my life. In hindsight, I believe that the Holy Spirit had been responsible for placing that verse in my heart in a way I couldn't shake. It wasn't just an ideal or a nice sentiment. It became a blueprint — a call to action. This verse challenged me to love my wife with the same selflessness, grace, and sacrifice that Christ shows to the Church. The more I thought about how to love my wife as Christ loves the church, it started to dawn on me exactly how high of a standard that is!
That verse became so important to me that I actually tattooed it on my ring finger. My wife and I owned a gym, and wearing a traditional wedding ring wasn't practical or safe in a free weight environment, so I chose a permanent reminder instead. Now, every time I see that tattoo — whether I'm driving, working, holding her hand, or even writing this — I'm reminded of my responsibility to love my wife the way Christ loves the Church.
For a while, I kept this new perspective to myself, maybe a year or longer. I just started living it out in small, practical ways — choosing love in moments where frustration could have taken over, serving her without expecting anything in return, being more intentional about listening and understanding her needs. Even before she knew what I was doing or why, significant changes started to happen in our relationship. And when I finally shared this mindset with my wife, something incredible happened. She quickly and enthusiastically embraced it fully. She had already seen the changes happening in me and how I treated her. That's when our marriage truly began to transform.
An Invitation to a Better Marriage
This book is an invitation to walk this journey with us. It's not just about having a "good marriage" or even a "happy marriage" — it's about discovering what it means to have the kind of marriage that honors God and that He blesses. A marriage that not only brings you joy but also honors God in every way.
Let me be honest — the path to a great marriage isn't always easy. It takes hard work, daily commitment, and a willingness to love even when it's difficult. But I want to encourage you: it is absolutely possible to have a marriage that's filled with love, grace, and unity. Every step you take towards a stronger, more God-centered marriage will bring you closer to each other and closer to God.
A Journey of Daily Choices
Throughout this book, I'll walk you through the principles, practices, and heart changes that helped take our marriage from ordinary to heavenly extraordinary. Each chapter will guide you through different aspects of love, sacrifice, intimacy, and spiritual growth. You'll learn how to create the mindset to see your marriage through a new lens — a lens that sees every moment as an opportunity to worship God through your relationship.
I'm not just here to give you advice — I'm here to share my story. I've been walking this path, searching for God and finding my place with Him by honoring Him through my marriage. I sat down with Ephesians 5:25, prayed about that verse, and decided to learn how to make my marriage an offering to God. Looking back, I realize that He didn't just do this for me; He's been working through me to help you experience the same blessings.
So, are you ready? Are you ready to take that first step toward creating the kind of love that not only stands the test of time but also reflects God's design for marriage? If so, let's begin this journey together. The best for you is yet to come, and I can't wait for you to experience it.
God's Design for Marriage as Worship
Marriage: A Gift and a Calling
What if marriage could be more than just a relationship? What if your marriage could be an offering to God — a way to worship Him through how you love each other, honor Him in every moment, and, in return, have your offering blessed by Him in abundance? In my opinion, marriage is one of the most incredible gifts we've been given by God. It's a reflection of His love, His grace, and His purpose for our lives. In fact, I believe that "happily ever after" isn't just a fairy tale — it's something that's within reach for everyone. Right now. Right where you are. Right with who you are with. Period.
I didn't always see it that way. My wife and I had our struggles in the early years of our marriage. Something shifted in our relationship when I came across Ephesians 5:25. At the time, I didn't fully grasp what that kind of love meant. How does Christ love the church? I had zero idea. I realized I didn't even have a concept of what that looked like. Words like selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional were concepts I'd heard, things I thought I understood at the time, but I didn't truly understand them in the context of that verse. Still, I could not get that verse off my mind.
The Journey Begins: Asking the Right Questions
The changes didn't start to happen all at once. I didn't suddenly become the perfect husband after reading that verse. In fact, it was just the beginning of a long journey — a journey I'm still on today. I kept asking myself: "Am I loving my wife like Christ loves the church?" The answer was always "no." But instead of getting discouraged, I let that question guide my actions. I consciously worked on creating the habit of every time I interacted with my wife, I'd internally ask myself, "Is this how Christ would love the church?"
I started paying more attention to the way I spoke to her, how I reacted when I was frustrated, and how I treated her on a day-to-day basis. I started to pay attention to whether I was letting the stresses of my day dictate how I treated my wife at home. It wasn't about perfection. It was about progress. Those changes brought me closer to God, and God in return brought me closer to my wife.
A Realization That Changed Everything
As I continued to reflect on Ephesians 5:25, I had a realization that started to change everything for me: marriage wasn't just a relationship; it could be a way to worship God. Think about it like this: when an architect designs a cathedral or a painter creates a biblical scene, they're using their talents to glorify God. Their work becomes a form of worship because it points to something greater than themselves. In the same way, I realized that I could use my marriage as a way to worship God. My role as a husband wasn't just about making my wife happy — it was about honoring God through the way I loved her.
This was when the Holy Spirit started to show up in my marriage. The focus shifted from trying to fix our marriage to trying to honor God in every interaction with my wife. When I started approaching marriage that way, everything changed. Loving my wife became my way of worshiping God and showing Him I am trying to be better in His eyes. The goal wasn't to have a perfect marriage. The goal was to honor God, and in doing so, He blessed me and our marriage beyond what I could have imagined.
Worshiping God Through Marriage
What does it really mean to worship God through your marriage? It's not about making grand, extravagant gestures. It's actually about intent. It's about the everyday moments — the small but significant decisions we make in how we love, honor, and serve our spouse. Marriage can be a powerful form of worship when we realize that the relationship we have with our spouse is a direct reflection of our relationship with God.
"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in your midst?"
1 Corinthians 3:16Christ's love for the church is selfless, unbreakable, and full of grace. In Ephesians 5:25, when Paul says husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, he's calling us to reflect that same kind of love in our marriage. This isn't a love that serves its own needs or seeks something in return; it's a love that gives itself away, a love that chooses to serve, to honor, and to forgive. It's the love that Jesus demonstrated throughout His life, from washing His disciples' feet to laying down His life on the cross.
Worship isn't just something that happens on Sunday mornings within four walls. Worship is meant to fill every part of our lives, including our marriage. By loving our spouse the way Christ loves us, we're showing God's love in action, reflecting His presence in the everyday moments. When we invite God into our marriage, seeking to love our spouse as Christ loves us, we're engaging in a holy act of worship. Every act of love, every small gesture of kindness and forgiveness, becomes a part of that worship.
A Constant Reminder
To keep this commitment front and center in my life, I got a tattoo of Ephesians 5:25 on my ring finger. My wife and I owned a gym, and wearing a traditional wedding ring wasn't practical or safe in a free weight environment. Now, every time I see that tattoo — hundreds of times a day, every time I use my hands — I see it and it's reminding me to love my wife in a way that glorifies God. It is a way He has given me, and all of us, a way to worship Him, experience Him, and receive amazing blessings.
Love as a Daily Choice
One of the most important lessons I've learned in this journey is that love is a daily choice. It's not just a feeling or a passing emotion; it's a decision you make every single day. I didn't try to fix everything all at once, but I did make small changes with my mindset and the intent that these changes would honor God. Those changes indeed brought me closer to God, and God in return brought me closer to my wife. It didn't feel like work anymore. It felt like love.
- Take on a chore your spouse dislikes. Even if you don't enjoy it either, doing it for your spouse is a powerful act of love. When I started doing the dishes, I realized that if she was cooking food for me, it was rude to make her also clean up. You're not doing it just for them — you're doing it to honor God by serving them.
- Prepare something special to make their day better. If your spouse normally makes coffee first thing, have it ready when they wake up. If they have a water cup they take to work, have it filled for them. You know your spouse's morning routine — step in and do something simple to ease their day. It communicates: "I see you, and I care about you."
- Anticipate your spouse's needs before they ask. Maybe your spouse works on their feet all day and likes to get their shoes off at the end of the day — have their house shoes ready. Pay attention to what they need in the moment and do something small that lifts their spirits. Serving your spouse in these little ways isn't just a blessing to them — it's a blessing to you as well.
Cultivating Intentional Love
Choosing Love Daily
Love is a choice. Not just on your wedding day, or on special occasions like anniversaries and holidays, but every single day. It's a choice made in the quiet, unseen moments of life that often feel ordinary. The decision to love daily transformed everything in my marriage.
When my wife and I first met, love felt effortless. Every moment together was filled with excitement. Those moments were pure, but they were also driven by emotions. Back then, I thought love was those butterflies in my stomach, the excitement, and the effortless connection. And while those feelings were real and beautiful, I began to realize something far more meaningful about love as time passed. Love isn't just something that happens to us. It's not some magical force that sweeps us through life without any effort on our part. It isn't simply a feeling that comes and goes depending on circumstances. Love is a choice — a deliberate decision we make, over and over again.
Intentional love requires both effort and faith. It calls you to see your spouse through God's eyes, to love them in a way that reflects His grace and compassion, and to make that choice every day, regardless of how you feel. When you start viewing love in your marriage as something you choose to give, rather than something you wait to feel, it transforms your mindset and the entire dynamic of your relationship. Everything shifts when love becomes a deliberate act.
Making Love a Daily Choice
For me, one of the most significant shifts in my marriage came when I learned to start my words of frustration or disagreement with saying, "I love you." It might sound simple, but it was a powerful tool that reshaped not only how I spoke to my wife but also my mindset and how I thought about conflict and communication. Whether we were arguing over something small, or something big, if I felt frustrated, I made the decision to say "I love you" before addressing anything else.
It didn't take long for me to realize how much this practice impacted both of us. By starting with a genuine expression of love, my own thoughts softened. It feels almost impossible to be mean or negative to someone when you've just told them you love them. When I led with "I love you," the words that followed naturally became kinder, gentler, and more thoughtful. The effect on my wife was immediate as well. She started noticing the change and expressed her appreciation. The tension in our conversations decreased, and instead of feeling defensive or hurt, she felt valued and loved. I believe now, looking back, that it was the Holy Spirit showing up again.
The Barriers to Loving Intentionally
There was a season in our marriage when my wife and I felt more like business partners than a loving couple. We had a few various small businesses together, so at times, we really did feel like just business partners who happened to live together. We weren't fighting or upset with each other — we just seemed to drift apart because life got in the way. The busy schedules, the demands of work, the challenges of a blended family, and the little stresses of everyday life had quietly created a barrier between us.
In that season, it was easy to place blame. I found myself complaining about things that bothered me. For instance, after her workday she would still have to respond to clients and schedule appointments, and it started bothering me that she would come home and instead of having time for us, she was glued to her phone. I complained, thinking it was her issue to fix. But then I realized that complaining is just mentioning a problem without suggesting a solution, and that's a useless waste of time. I decided to shift my perspective and take responsibility for the problem I was feeling.
I came up with the idea to ask if she wanted me to drive her to work. On the way home, she had the chance to decompress, respond to clients, and finish any leftover work so that when we got home, the evening was dedicated to family and "us" time. When she doesn't have work to do, we get to talk or listen to a sermon or a podcast. This little part of the day has become so important to us that I feel like not doing it, when I am able, could be a sin against my marriage.
What I thought was her problem with the phone was actually an opportunity to make her day less stressful and create more time together. In a month, that is about a full extra day we get to spend together. In a year, it's nearly ten extra days. It may sound small in the start, but that little act of service adds up to a giant reward of time together.
Overcoming the Barriers
The first step to loving intentionally is identifying the barriers that stand in your way. It could be busyness, unresolved conflicts, or simply falling into a comfortable routine where you stop making time to connect. Whatever those barriers are, acknowledging them is the first step toward breaking through them.
For us, breaking down the barriers in our relationship started with one choice: we decided to intentionally put our relationship first. No matter how crazy life got, we committed to setting aside time each day just for each other. Sometimes, it was as simple as going for a walk together or sitting down for dinner without any distractions. Our relationship grew stronger, not because of grand gestures, but because of small, consistent choices to love each other every day.
Serving Each Other with Selfless Love
One of the most powerful ways to show intentional love is through selfless service. Serving your spouse doesn't mean checking off tasks or expecting praise in return. It's about choosing to love them through thoughtful actions that reflect Christ's love for us. I made a conscious choice to take on some of the daily chores that traditionally fell on my wife. I started doing the dishes after dinner. It started as "I'll do those for her tonight" — then I did it again the next night. Then I did them again, and before long it became a habit.
After I had started doing them regularly, I realized that if she was cooking dinner, that it was rude for me to have to make her wash the dishes, the dishes that got dirty by her working to feed me. After I had that realization, it was easy to be grateful for getting to do them for her. She hasn't had to wash dishes in years. If she tries I won't let her. I am grateful that she never needs to add stress to her day about a dirty sink now.
Now, I'm not going to pretend I enjoy doing the dishes or doing laundry. But that's not the point. The point is that I wanted her to feel valued and appreciated — not burdened by household responsibilities. When we serve our spouses with selfless love, we reflect the heart of Christ.
Staying Connected: Creating Time for Each Other
Staying connected is essential in any marriage, but it can be challenging when life gets busy. One simple way my wife and I stay connected is through our daily car rides. I drive her to work every day when I can, and it's become a time for us to talk, laugh, and share about our lives. On the way home, she uses the time to finish any leftover work, so that when we get home, it's just about us. One of the ways we found to stay connected was also by sitting on the same side of the table when we go out instead of across from each other. That way we can keep constant physical contact. These little moments of being always close, always touching, always connected — they add up to something profound over time.
- Start every difficult conversation with "I love you." When you feel frustrated, upset, or annoyed with your spouse, make it a habit to begin your response by saying "I love you." This simple but powerful phrase shifts the tone of the conversation and realigns your heart and thoughts, making it much harder to speak from a place of anger or frustration. As you practice this, you'll notice how it changes the way you both respond to each other, inviting more grace, patience, and kindness into your conversations.
- Serve each other — take on a chore without being asked. Find a small task your spouse usually handles, and take care of it without being asked. It could be as simple as folding the laundry or making their favorite coffee in the morning. These little acts of service show them you care and lighten their load. Don't stop at doing it just once — choose a way to serve them regularly and make it part of your routine.
Building Unity and Oneness
The Meaning of Unity in Marriage
Marriage can feel like a constant balancing act sometimes, right? Between work, family, bills, and the endless demands of life, it's easy to feel stretched thin and lose sight of the person you're doing life with — your spouse. Marriage isn't just about managing through the daily grind or keeping the peace. It's about something so much deeper. Unity in marriage is about truly living in sync with your spouse, building a partnership so strong that, no matter what life throws your way, you're in it together, fully connected.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31–33Paul reveals that marriage itself was created to be a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Just as Christ gave everything, even His life, for the Church, marriage calls for a similar love — sacrificial, unbreakable, and fully committed. This is the essence of marriage as worship. When we embrace this kind of love and unity, our marriage becomes a living reflection of God's love for His people.
I read these verses and realized that my instructions as a husband is to literally love my wife the way Jesus loves me. This unity doesn't just happen. It's not like you say "I do," and suddenly you're perfectly united forever. Unity in marriage is something you build, something you intentionally create together, day by day, through small acts of love, through grace, and by the choices you make to prioritize each other.
Unity doesn't mean you have to lose your individuality. My wife and I are opposites in so many ways. She's extroverted, and I'm introverted. She's creative, and I'm more logic-focused. But instead of those differences pulling us apart, they've actually helped us grow closer. Her strengths fill in where I might be weaker, and vice versa. That's what unity in marriage is all about — bringing your individual strengths and weaknesses together to form something even stronger than you could be on your own. God put you and your spouse together not despite your differences, but because of them.
Understanding God's Design for Unity
One thing I've discovered in my marriage is that the closer I get to God, the closer I get to my wife. Having God at the center of our marriage has brought us closer in ways I couldn't have imagined. As I pursued a deeper relationship with God, our marriage improved. The more I focused on God's will for my life, the more connected we became. When God is the head of your marriage, everything else falls into place. Every decision, every conversation, every act of love becomes an opportunity to glorify Him.
"I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one."
John 17:22Jesus prayed for unity among His followers on the level of the Trinity — the perfect unity between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That's the kind of unity God wants for your marriage too. It's a unity where you and your spouse are fully united in purpose, vision, and faith. And when God is at the center, your marriage becomes unshakable. But unity doesn't mean agreeing on everything or avoiding conflict. True unity is about making decisions together, prioritizing your marriage, and aligning your hearts with God's will.
Building Unity Through Selfless Actions
One of the most powerful ways to build unity in marriage is through selflessness. Being selfless doesn't always come naturally, does it? But unity in marriage is built when you consciously make the decision to put your spouse's needs before your own. When you do that, you're not just helping out around the house or being nice — you're building a bond that goes deeper than words. You're showing your spouse that they matter, that their well-being is the priority to you. There is going to be a day when you are doing the dishes, or vacuuming, and you'll think about why you are doing that, and it'll feel nice.
Deepening Emotional and Spiritual Unity
Unity in marriage isn't just about working together — it's about connecting on an emotional and spiritual level. Emotional unity is built through intentional communication, support, and the way you share life together. One of the best ways to build emotional unity is by checking in with each other regularly. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out conversation — just taking the time to ask, "How was your day?" or "How are you feeling?" can go a long way in building that sense of closeness.
Making Time for Shared Joy: Our Weekly Meanders
Building unity isn't all about the serious stuff — there's a lot of joy in it too! One of the best ways to build unity is by making time for shared activities that bring you joy. For us, one of our favorite ways to connect is through our weekly "meanders." Once a week on a day off, we get in the car and just drive. No destination in mind, no agenda — just the two of us, exploring new places, talking, and spending time together.
But our meanders aren't just about having fun or exploring — they've become a powerful form of church for us. During the week, I'll find sermons or other religious content for us to listen to while we drive. We listen, reflect, and pause to talk about what we've heard. Sometimes, we'll put on an episode of The Chosen and pause it to discuss the biblical lessons together. These meanders are not planned, but we typically have so much fun together they will last the entire day. We are just happy to be spending that time together, growing in our faith while exploring and creating memories together.
- Practice active listening without trying to fix. Take time each day to ask your spouse about their day. Listen without interrupting or offering solutions unless they ask. If you absolutely must speak up, ask: "Do you want me to fix or listen?" This helps build emotional unity by showing your spouse that you value their feelings.
- Introduce prayer with gratitude. If praying together is new for you, start by expressing gratitude in your prayers. A simple prayer before meals, thanking God for your spouse and the blessings of the day, can help you build spiritual unity and invite God into your marriage.
- Start a "Weekly Meander." Find time each week for a meander of your own. Whether it's a walk or a drive, use this time to connect, have fun, and grow together spiritually. Discuss a sermon, reflect on a Bible verse, or just enjoy each other's company. Show gratitude to your spouse for these deliberate efforts to connect.
Prayer as the Foundation of a Godly Marriage
Inviting God into Your Marriage
For many people new to it, prayer can feel like a complicated thing — especially if no one has ever really shown you how to do it. But prayer doesn't need to be formal or full of the right words. In fact, some of the most powerful prayers are just simple, honest conversations with God.
I never knew how to pray. Nobody taught me the right way to do it, and looking back, I'm glad they didn't. Instead of following what someone else said, I just started talking to God like I would with anyone else. As a kid, I remember lying in bed, asking God if He had a good day in heaven or if He ever had to deal with annoying tasks. I'd ask Him questions like, "Does anyone ever just ask You how Your day's going?" These little chats felt natural, like I was building a connection that was uniquely my own. I still do this. At night when I am falling asleep, I like to get lost in prayer. I will talk to God, and instead of telling Him the things I need, I ask Him about His day. I'll ask if there are jobs in heaven, can I pick my job? Is there paperwork we have to deal with? Do people dislike Wednesdays there too? These are silly prayers and completely non-biblical, but I like to think that it may be nice to have someone asking Him about how His day is going instead of people always telling Him about theirs. It's silly, but it is a part of my personal relationship with God, and I enjoy it. I think He does too.
The Simplicity of Talking to God
Prayer doesn't have to be filled with polished words or long sentences. If you're just starting your journey with God, try talking to Him as you would a friend or a family member. He already knows what's on your heart, so you don't have to hide anything. Share what's going on in your day, thank Him for the small things, or ask Him questions — even if they seem silly.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6–7As I grew older, these simple conversations became a way to keep God close throughout my day. Now, I often say little prayers of gratitude — things like, "Thank You for this beautiful day" or "Thank You for getting me through today." Short, personal prayers are my way of staying grounded and remembering that God is present in every moment.
The Power of Gratitude in Prayer
Gratitude has become one of the most important parts of my prayer life. Gratitude doesn't just change your relationship with God; it changes the way you see the world. The more grateful you are, the more you start to notice blessings in your life. I've found that when you're thankful for your marriage, you begin to see more reasons to be grateful. Every small act, every moment of kindness or patience from your spouse, starts to stand out, and you realize how blessed you are.
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16–18How Prayer Shifts Your Mindset
When you make a habit of personal prayer, it doesn't just change your relationship with God; it begins to change how you see yourself, others, and even the challenges in your life. Praying regularly — even in short, honest bursts throughout the day — keeps your mind centered on God. As you pray, you'll start to notice a shift in your perspective. Your thoughts become more patient, less reactive. Gratitude grows where frustration used to take over, and you start seeing situations, people, and even your spouse in a gentler light.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2This shift also affects the way you approach marriage. When you're in regular conversation with God, He'll begin to open your eyes to the small blessings within your relationship, and the things you once took for granted will become reasons for gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you wish would change, you start seeing the good that's already there. Prayer becomes the lens through which you view your marriage, leading you to appreciate your spouse in ways you might not have otherwise.
How Personal Prayer Strengthens Your Marriage
One of the most surprising effects of personal prayer is how it strengthens your marriage, even before you introduce prayer as a couple. When you're consistently turning to God, seeking His guidance, and thanking Him for your spouse, you're creating a foundation of love and patience that reflects back into your relationship. Those short, sincere prayers throughout the day remind you of what you love about your spouse and of the ways God is working within your marriage.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5–6Moving Into Couples' Prayer
Once you've established a habit of personal prayer, praying together as a couple becomes a natural next step. You might begin by simply sharing moments of gratitude together, thanking God for specific blessings in your marriage or praying for guidance in areas where you need His help. Starting with these small moments can make praying together feel less intimidating.
When you pray with your spouse, you're inviting God to be at the center of your relationship, uniting both of you in purpose and intention. Don't worry about getting it perfect or following a specific formula. The beauty of prayer is in its honesty, and that's true for couples' prayer too. Whether you're praying for each other's strengths, thanking God for the day's blessings, or simply asking for guidance, these moments of unity in prayer can become a powerful source of connection in your marriage.
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."
Matthew 18:20Building a Life of Prayer Together
Building a life of prayer, both individually and as a couple, brings transformation that goes far beyond what you may expect. It's in these small, daily prayers that you find the strength to love selflessly, to forgive, and to approach each day with a heart open to God's guidance. As you keep showing up in prayer, God meets you there, renewing your mind, restoring your heart, and deepening your connection to Him and to each other. Your relationship with God is deeply personal, and as you grow closer to Him through personal prayer, your marriage will naturally reflect that love.
- Have an open dialogue about prayer. During intentional time together, use the opportunity to have an open conversation about prayer. Ask your spouse if they prayed much growing up, if they feel comfortable praying together now, or if there's anything that makes it difficult for them to practice prayer with you. The goal is to create a space for honest dialogue and understanding. Remember, the key to unity is communication, and by discussing your prayer life together, you'll build the foundation for growing together spiritually.
- Start the habit of daily prayer before dinner together. If prayer feels new or uncomfortable, an easy way to begin is by introducing a simple prayer of gratitude before dinner. This can be as brief as thanking God for your meal and asking Him to help you use your marriage as an opportunity to worship Him. Over time, this simple act of praying together before meals will become a natural part of your routine, strengthening your unity in the process.
Communication in Marriage — Speaking Life, Listening with Love
Communication as the Lifeblood of Marriage
Communication is often called the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. It's the tool you use to understand each other, resolve conflicts, and grow closer. Your words are a tool that either builds up or tears down. But in a marriage where you use your marriage as a way to honor God, communication is more than just talking and listening — it's about connecting on a deeper level.
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21In a Godly marriage, communication is more than just a practical skill; it's a way to honor God through how you love and respect each other with your words. There were times in my own marriage when communication wasn't easy. We were not trying to have communication issues; we just did not know how to communicate properly. But as we learned to communicate in a way that reflected God's love and grace, we saw how transformative it could be. Communication isn't just about getting your point across — it's about building connection, offering support, and growing together in love.
The Importance of Speaking Life
One of the most powerful ways to build a strong foundation in your marriage is to use your words to speak life into each other. Your words have power — they have the power to build up or tear down, to encourage or discourage, to bring healing or to wound.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Ephesians 4:29Speaking life means choosing to use your words to uplift, affirm, and strengthen your spouse. It means pausing to think about how your words will affect your spouse and choosing to speak words that build up rather than tear down. It is time for you to learn that you literally have to think before you speak to your spouse. Make a habit of reminding yourself to pause, and think of how to speak life.
"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
Proverbs 16:24Imagine the impact if every word you spoke into your marriage brought sweetness and healing rather than bitterness and hurt.
A Powerful Practice to Transform Arguments
One thing that immediately changed how we handled disagreements in my marriage was this: anytime I was frustrated with my wife, before I said anything, or before I responded to something she had said to me, I always said, "I love you." This simple phrase completely changed the dynamic of our arguments.
Saying "I love you" before any other response does several powerful things:
- It refocuses your heart and mind: By saying "I love you" first, you're making love the foundation of your response rather than anger or frustration. It's a realignment of your heart to reflect God's heart, who is love (1 John 4:8).
- It changes the tone of the conversation: When you lead with love, it's hard to follow up with hurtful words or actions. It shifts the tone of the conversation from conflict to reconciliation.
- It builds a habit of intentional love: Repeating this practice trains you to approach every situation with love first. Over time, this simple habit transforms not just your thoughts and words but the way you interact with your spouse.
There was a point when my wife noticed that every time I was frustrated or upset, I would start by saying "I love you." This wasn't something I had told her about — it was just a practice I had quietly decided to make into a habit. Over time, she realized it and mentioned how much it meant to her. I explained that starting with "I love you" wasn't just a way to soften the conversation; it was a way to realign my heart and mind. It's nearly impossible to say something hurtful or speak out of frustration when you begin by telling someone you love them.
Listening with Love and Empathy
Good communication is not just about speaking — it's also about listening. And not just listening to respond, but listening to understand, to empathize, and to connect. One of the biggest challenges in communication is that it's easy to listen with an agenda — to hear what your spouse is saying but already be thinking about how you'll respond or what you'll say next. But real listening requires setting aside your own thoughts, holding your words, being present, and seeking to understand your spouse's heart.
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
James 1:19Listening with love means being willing to hear your spouse out fully before responding. It's about letting go of any defensiveness or the need to "win" the conversation, and instead choosing to prioritize their perspective. In my marriage, learning to listen with empathy was rather difficult. There were times when my wife would share something that bothered her, and my immediate response was to try to fix it or explain my side. We had many, many drives where she was talking about her day, and I would interrupt and tell her how to fix it next time, and then immediately realized what I had done. Each time I realized I interrupted her, I would say a silent prayer in my head asking God to help me be a better communicator for my wife.
One thing that I started to do — and it took me years to learn this — is that when she is talking about her day, or venting, or telling me something that went wrong, anytime I absolutely felt like I needed to say something, I learned to ask: "Do you want me to listen, or to fix?" It was always to listen. Over time I have learned I don't need to ask that — now I just listen and wait for her to ask for a response. Do the same thing: when your spouse is venting frustration about their day, do not interrupt, no matter how bad you want to. If you absolutely can't hold it in, first ask "Do you want me to listen, or to fix?"
Communicating Through Conflict
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and how you handle it can either bring you closer together or drive you apart. The goal in communication during conflict is not to avoid disagreements altogether but to navigate them in a way that fosters understanding, respect, and growth. It's about communicating in a way that honors both your feelings and your spouse's feelings, even when you don't see eye to eye.
Words are like arrows; once you release them, they hit their target, and you can't undo the impact. For me, one practice that made a huge difference was always starting with "I love you," taking a breath, and choosing a calm tone. Another change that helped us was choosing to have important conversations face-to-face rather than over text. When you can't hear the tone or see the expression, there's room for miscommunication.
This is very important, so please pay attention. If you are having an argument or a disagreement with your spouse, and you raise your voice, you are wrong. Period. Full stop. You do not raise your voice to your spouse, ever, no matter the situation. Even if they raise theirs first. You now know that your marriage is a form of worshiping God. So you now understand that your relationship with your spouse is a reflection of your relationship with God. With your new knowledge, you now know that if you raise your voice to your spouse out of frustration or anger, you are sinning against your marriage and against God. I can't stress this enough. If you do that, catch yourself immediately, repent and ask for forgiveness, tell them you love them, say a silent prayer asking for forgiveness, and realign yourself. Anything that does not build up your spouse, or your relationship with God, is sinful.
Building Unity Through Words of Encouragement
Encouragement is one of the most powerful tools in marriage. Hebrews 3:13 encourages us to "encourage one another daily." This isn't just about saying nice things — it's about intentionally looking for ways to build your spouse up, speak life into their dreams, and remind them of their worth. It's about being their biggest supporter, especially in the moments when they need it most. When you make it a habit to encourage your spouse regularly, you create an environment of love, support, and unity. You reinforce the idea that you are on the same team, working toward the same goals, and building each other up in the process.
The Role of Prayer in Communication
One of the most powerful tools for healthy communication in marriage is prayer. When you pray together as a couple, you're inviting God to be part of your conversations, your conflicts, and your connection. Prayer has a way of softening hearts, bringing peace to difficult situations, and helping you see each other through God's eyes. Before entering into a difficult conversation or a potentially heated discussion, take a moment to pray together. Ask God for wisdom, understanding, and patience. In moments when you find it hard to communicate, prayer can be the bridge that brings you back to a place of understanding and connection.
Creating a Culture of Open and Loving Communication
Building strong communication in marriage is not just about having one good conversation — it's about creating a culture of openness, love, and understanding. It's about intentionally making it a habit to speak life into each other, to listen with empathy, and to navigate conflict in a way that builds each other up. And it's about inviting God to be part of every conversation, allowing Him to shape your words and guide your hearts.
As you grow in your communication together, remember that it's a journey. There will be times when it's easy to connect and times when it feels more difficult. But the more intentional you are about speaking life, listening with love, and bringing God into your conversations, the more you will see your communication flourish, and the more you will see God start showing up in your marriage.
- Start every difficult conversation with "I love you." When you feel frustrated, upset, or annoyed with your spouse, make it a habit to begin your response by saying "I love you." This simple but powerful phrase shifts the tone of the conversation and sets the stage for open, loving communication. It realigns your heart and thoughts, making it much harder to speak from a place of anger or frustration.
- Practice active listening — ask "listen or fix?" before speaking. Each day, take the time to ask your spouse how their day went, and practice active listening. Don't interrupt, don't try to "fix" anything, and don't offer advice unless they ask for it. Simply listen. If you absolutely feel the need to say something, ask "Do you want me to listen or help?" — and almost always, the answer will be to listen.
- Create an encouragement habit — speak life into your spouse regularly. Start the habit of speaking words of encouragement to your spouse each day. Whether it's complimenting them on something they've done, affirming their strengths, or simply telling them how much you appreciate them, these words carry weight. Make it a daily practice to speak life into your spouse, whether it's in the morning before the day starts or before bed at night.
Cultivating Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy
Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy as an Act of Worship
When we talk about intimacy in marriage, it's easy to think of it in terms of physical connection. But true intimacy goes far beyond the physical — it's about cultivating emotional and spiritual closeness, the kind of intimacy that touches your heart and soul. This kind of connection turns your marriage into a living act of worship to God. Emotional and spiritual intimacy is about opening your hearts to one another and to God, allowing Him to be the center of your relationship.
"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:12Remember: you are one strand, your spouse is one strand, the other strand is God. When you, your spouse, and God are interwoven, your relationship is strengthened. The more you invite God into your connection, the deeper your emotional bond will grow, and the more your marriage will reflect His love and purpose.
In my own journey, I found that intimacy became an act of worship when we began to intentionally pursue it — not just as a nice addition to our marriage, but as something essential to honoring God through our relationship. We didn't arrive at emotional and spiritual intimacy overnight, but by choosing daily to connect deeply with one another and with God, it transformed the way we loved each other.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
Ephesians 4:2–3Creating Safe Spaces for Vulnerability and Deep Connection
One of the most crucial parts of cultivating emotional and spiritual intimacy is creating a safe space in your marriage. Safe spaces are where both of you can be completely open, honest, and vulnerable. They are where intimacy flourishes because you know you are accepted just as you are. These spaces allow you to speak freely, without fear of judgment or rejection, and they are essential for a thriving marriage.
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives… so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
1 Peter 3:7One way my wife and I create safe spaces in our marriage is through what we call our "weekly meanders." These are times when we simply get in the car with no destination, no agenda — just a shared purpose to connect. During these drives, we talk openly about what's on our hearts, discuss any struggles we're facing, or simply enjoy each other's company. It's become this special time where we both know we can speak freely, and just be present together, without distractions. For us, these drives are more than just time together; they're a place where we feel truly heard and genuinely loved.
Creating a safe space in your marriage means listening with empathy and compassion. When your spouse opens up about something personal, it's natural to want to jump in with advice or try to fix things. But real intimacy comes when you choose to listen without feeling the need to solve anything — when you're just there, fully present, offering support and understanding. Safe spaces require consistency. It's not enough to have one deep conversation and then move on. You really want to intentionally create a safe space somewhere in your marriage where you both have the freedom to be open. It is a very comforting thing when you have to speak and know that you can do so freely without being judged or condemned.
The Joy of the Holy Spirit in Marriage
When we invite God into our marriage on a daily basis, something extraordinary happens. We begin to experience God firsthand — not just as individuals, but as a couple. This experience is sacred and life-changing. It's in these moments of intimacy, where we open our hearts fully to each other and to God, that we feel the Holy Spirit working within our marriage. The joy of the Holy Spirit doesn't just fill us individually; it fills our marriage, becoming the glue that binds us together in unity, love, and understanding.
"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full."
John 15:11God's joy is not fleeting. It's enduring, everlasting, and meant to saturate every part of our lives — including our marriages. There is no greater source of peace and fulfillment than experiencing the Holy Spirit working within your marriage. I want you to know that the joy experienced by the Holy Spirit is real. You can absolutely feel it and recognize it growing in your relationship. It is a real presence, and it is amazing. I want this for you — follow this path, embrace these words, and let the Holy Spirit fill your marriage with the kind of joy, peace, and happiness that's truly life-changing.
Can you imagine feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit while you're simply watching TV with your spouse, wrestling around playfully, or just sharing a quiet moment together? You can — and you will — literally feel the Holy Spirit moving through these small moments. This is real, and it's powerful. If you've ever longed to feel the Holy Spirit, to truly experience the presence of God, you can do it right now — by loving your spouse in the ways I'm sharing with you.
Spiritual Practices to Strengthen Your Bond
One of the most powerful ways to deepen spiritual intimacy is by sharing your faith together. This might mean praying together, reading Scripture, or simply talking about what God is teaching you. Spiritual intimacy is about aligning your hearts with God and with each other. Praying together is one of the most intimate things you can do as a couple because it invites God's presence into your relationship.
Celebrating Wins and Supporting Struggles
Emotional and spiritual intimacy thrive when you make it a habit to celebrate each other's successes and support each other in tough times. Marriage isn't just about walking through challenges together — it's also about rejoicing in the victories, both big and small. Make it a point to speak life into your spouse. Encourage them in their dreams, recognize their hard work in and out of the home, and celebrate even the smallest wins. When your spouse feels seen and valued, it strengthens your emotional connection and fosters a deeper sense of unity.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
Proverbs 27:17At the same time, when tough seasons come — and they will — choose to be your spouse's biggest supporter. Be a safe place where they can express their fears, doubts, or struggles without feeling judged. Offer a listening ear, a prayer of encouragement, or simply a shoulder to lean on. This kind of support creates a bond that goes beyond the surface, building a marriage that is truly united.
- Celebrate each other's wins — big or small. Make it a point to celebrate your spouse's achievements, whether it's something big like a work accomplishment or something small like completing a household task. But don't just say "Good job" — say why it was a good job. Find real value in their actions, bring it to light, and celebrate them. You don't want it to be empty or hollow but rather from the heart. Remember Rafiki holding baby Simba up for all to see? That is how you should be treating your spouse at all times — holding them up so all the world can see their accomplishments.
- Plan a "Cuddle Puddle" day. Set aside a day each month where you turn off your phones, curl up together, watch movies, and spend the entire day cuddling and telling each other how much you love each other. We call these "Cuddle Puddle" days, and they've become one of our favorite ways to reconnect. It's a time for intentional closeness and affection, a way to physically and emotionally bond. As Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." Your cuddle puddle days will remind you of the warmth, care, and love you share as partners walking through life together.
Growing Together Spiritually
Pursuing God as a Couple
One of the most rewarding, and bond-building journeys you can embark on as a married couple is growing spiritually together. Spiritual growth doesn't just strengthen your individual faith; it draws you closer as a couple and aligns your lives with a shared purpose rooted in God's will. It's not a one-time achievement but an ongoing journey, one that constantly evolves as you learn, support each other, and seek God's presence in your relationship.
For my wife and me, this spiritual journey unfolded naturally but with intent over time. There wasn't a single event that marked the beginning of our shared growth — it just started happening as I was striving to grow closer to God, and she did too. She was seeing my effort, and without being asked, started to put her effort in too. It felt as though the more I sought to be holy and live in accordance with God's will, the more I noticed my wife also deepening her faith.
One of the things that really stood out to me during this time was how conversations about what I was reading in the Bible or learning from sermons became a regular part of our lives. I'd share something I'd read, and she would respond with her own thoughts or questions, sparking a deep discussion. Over time, I watched her dive deeper into Scripture, gaining new understanding and insights.
I also make it a point to encourage her along the way. Whenever I notice her growing in faith, I take a moment to let her know how much I recognize and appreciate her spiritual growth, speaking life into her. I express gratitude for her drawing closer to God — not because I think my words can change her, but because encouragement can fuel her desire to grow even more. And as she grows in faith, I find myself growing too, and vice versa. Watching her grow spiritually is, without question, one of the most wonderful things in my life.
A Shared Practice of Worship Through Marriage
Our spiritual growth as a couple didn't just come from Bible studies or attending church — it's become a way of life. We use our marriage itself as a spiritual practice, as a form of worship. Over time, this has become natural, and you can see it in every interaction we have with each other. People around us notice it too, often commenting on the unique closeness we share. But this isn't something exclusive to us — it's available to any couple who chooses to treat their marriage as an act of worship, a sacred reflection of God's love.
Our weekly meanders have become one of our most cherished practices. During these drives, we talk about God, reflect on what we've learned, and discuss the ways we see Him working in our lives. It's more than just a time to connect with each other — it's a spiritual tradition that brings us closer to God as well. In a way, it's become our own form of church, a sacred space where we immerse ourselves in faith as a couple. These meanders ground us spiritually and emotionally, reminding us of the power of seeking God together.
Supporting Each Other's Spiritual Journey
One of the most important aspects of growing spiritually together is learning to encourage and support each other's walk with God. When my wife tries new ways of worship or feels drawn to something different in her faith, I meet it with enthusiasm and excitement — not just for her but for us. I recognize that her spiritual growth doesn't just impact her; it strengthens our marriage, deepens our bond, and brings us both closer to God. Anytime I see even the smallest sign of her growing in her faith, I make a point to celebrate it with her.
I've made it a priority to ask questions when she brings up something new — whether it's a different way to worship or a new church she wants to visit. I'll ask, "What draws us to this?" or "How do you feel this will bring us closer to Him?" By framing it as something we're doing together, I reinforce the idea that her growth is also my growth. We're nurturing this spiritual journey together, just like tending to a plant that needs water, sunlight, and care to grow.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
1 Thessalonians 5:11Serving God Together: Worship Beyond Church Walls
Our spiritual growth has also deepened through serving God together. One way we do this is through what we call "hospice puppies." We adopt elderly or terminally ill dogs from shelters, bringing them into our home to love and care for them in their final days. Many of these dogs have been abandoned or forgotten, but with us, they experience love, warmth, and family. For us, this goes beyond an act of kindness — it's a way of worship. God breathed life into these creatures just as He did for us, and we want to honor that life by surrounding them with love and care in their final moments.
"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."
Matthew 25:40Every time we help someone in need, we see it as directly serving the Being that is Jesus. Whether it's providing for a homeless person or offering kindness to someone going through a tough time, we view it as a spiritual act and a way of honoring God. There are many acts of service we keep private because of Jesus' words in Matthew 6:1-4, where He tells us not to perform good deeds for public recognition. Some things I do, I don't even share with my wife. I want those moments to be between me and God. I'm after heavenly rewards, not earthly ones.
The only exception is if I share these stories with our son, using them as a way to teach him about serving others and growing in faith. I want him to understand that serving others is a form of worship. My son, who's now an adult, has been observing the changes in my relationship with his mom over the years. He's learning, little by little, that love in marriage isn't just about grand gestures; it's about showing up in the small, everyday moments too. I know this is going to shape the way he loves his future wife one day.
Reflecting on God's Faithfulness
Another powerful way to grow spiritually together is by taking time to reflect on God's faithfulness. We've faced difficult seasons in the beginning of our marriage, just like any other couple. But looking back on those times and recognizing how God carried us through them has deepened our faith and our relationship. These moments of reflection aren't just about looking back; they help us move forward with greater trust in God and each other. When you take time to remember how God has worked in your marriage, it strengthens your resolve to keep pursuing Him together.
- Set spiritual growth goals as a couple. Work together to set specific spiritual goals for your relationship. This could be reading through a particular book of the Bible, establishing a prayer routine, or finding ways to serve in a ministry together. Having shared goals keeps you focused on your spiritual journey and gives you something to work toward as a team.
- Serve God together — inside or outside the church. Find ways to serve God as a couple. Whether it's volunteering at a local shelter, helping a neighbor in need, or even serving animals like we do with our "hospice puppies," find meaningful ways to give back. When you serve together, you strengthen not only your bond but your relationship with God. Every act of service is an act of worship.
Creating a Legacy of Love and Faith
Building a Marriage That Inspires Others
Marriage is so much more than just a bond between two people — it's a reflection of God's love to the world. The way you honor, support, and love each other becomes a testimony that speaks to those around you, offering a glimpse of God's grace, faithfulness, and redemption. When you intentionally build a marriage rooted in love and faith, you are creating a legacy that can inspire others, giving them hope, encouragement, and a deeper understanding of what's possible when God is at the center.
Your legacy starts today. It's built in the daily moments of kindness, forgiveness, and unconditional love. It's crafted in the ways you serve each other, speak words of life to one another, and invite God into your relationship. These small, consistent acts of love come together to create a powerful testimony of what God can do through a marriage that is fully surrendered to Him.
In our own marriage, I didn't have strong examples of loving, faith-filled marriages to look up to. My parents went through a divorce when I was young, and I never really had a clear vision of what a healthy marriage looked like. I thought marriage was 50/50, where each partner did their part, but what I didn't realize was how damaging that line of thinking could be. Over time, meditating and praying on Ephesians 5:25, I came to understand that marriage isn't about splitting responsibilities down the middle. It's about giving 100% — not holding back or keeping score. You give your all to elevate your spouse, and your spouse does the same. That's when marriage becomes something beautiful, something that reflects God's perfect love.
For my wife, her upbringing was centered on faith and family, but her family dynamic wasn't always a healthy view of what a true relationship should look like. So even though she had a spiritual foundation, we both had to learn together what a God-centered marriage truly looks like. We have learned that even though we didn't have perfect role models, God could work through us to build something different — something that would inspire others and reflect His grace.
The Power of Your Marriage to Impact Others
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:16When you use your marriage as an offering to honor God, it's like dropping a rock into a pond — the impact ripples out, reaching beyond just the two of you. As people see the unique way you love each other, the way you forgive, the way you lift each other up, they're going to notice it. They start to wonder what makes your relationship different, and it stirs something in them. They start to want that kind of closeness with God, too.
I've seen this happen in my own life. When I visit my wife while she is working, even if it's just to drop something off, I make a point to tell her that I love her and that she's beautiful, right in front of everyone. I want people to see how much I love and cherish her. I'm not doing it to show off — I'm doing it because I believe it's important for others to see a godly marriage in action. I feel like if you want to set an example, you have to live the example. I want to set an example that doesn't make people jealous, but makes them realize they can have this kind of relationship too. If they make comments about how her husband treats her, it's an opening to naturally speak to them about God without having been pushy.
I'll send her flowers and gifts at work, and while the singing telegram I sent was probably a bit too much, the point was to publicly affirm my love for her in a way that would show others what's possible when God is at the center of your relationship. Pro Tip for Men: Even if you somehow talk yourself into thinking that sending a singing telegram seems fun — don't. It's really not a good idea.
When we are in public, I am always showing her affection — always having my arms wrapped around her, or pulling her into me, or having her on my arm. When we go to a restaurant, we always sit in a booth on the same side. That way I can be next to her instead of across from her. I want to be as close to her as I can be, at all times, even when eating. The way you speak to and about your spouse in front of others matters. When you honor them publicly, it sets a powerful example for everyone around you.
Impacting Your Family, Friends, and Community
Your marriage doesn't just impact the two of you — it has a ripple effect on the people around you. Your family, friends, and even your community are influenced by how you live out your love for God and each other. Whether you realize it or not, people are watching you — how you handle challenges, how you communicate, and how you love one another. And in those moments, your marriage becomes a living testimony of God's love and faithfulness.
If you have children, your marriage becomes the primary way they understand love, faith, and commitment. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." The way you love each other and honor God in your marriage sets the foundation for how your children will one day approach their own relationships. Kids don't remember every word you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Leaving a Spiritual Legacy for Future Generations
Leaving a spiritual legacy is about more than just what happens while you're here — it's about creating something that will continue to impact future generations long after you're gone. One way we've worked on creating a spiritual legacy is by building our own faith-based traditions into our lives. We use Christmas as a time to travel and have a new experience instead of feeling like a holiday of picking something from Amazon. Every year, especially around Christmas, we try to find ways to make the holiday about God rather than gifts. It's not easy, and we haven't perfected it yet, but the goal is always to glorify God and show gratitude rather than get caught up in the commercialization of the season.
Another powerful way to leave a legacy is by sharing your marriage story. Be open about how God has worked in your relationship — the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Share the stories of how God answered your prayers, how He showed up in difficult seasons, and how He's shaped your marriage over time. These testimonies serve as a reminder to future generations of God's faithfulness and love.
"One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts."
Psalm 145:4When you share your story, you're not just telling your history — you're declaring God's mighty works to the next generation. Let the legacy of your marriage inspire others to seek an exceptional love built in faith, hope, and unwavering commitment to God.
- Encourage each other publicly. Make it a habit to publicly affirm and encourage your spouse in front of others. Take moments to speak words of love, honor, and appreciation for each other, demonstrating mutual respect and setting an example of what a strong, God-centered marriage looks like.
- Share how God has blessed your relationship. Use opportunities in public settings to speak words of love and gratitude to each other, highlighting God's role in your marriage. When you share how God has blessed your relationship — through big answers to prayer or simple daily joys — you're offering others a glimpse into what a marriage rooted in faith can look like, inspiring them to seek God's presence in their own lives.
Overcoming Challenges and Growing Stronger Together
Facing Trials with Faith and a Team Mindset
Every marriage will have ups and downs — whether they come in the form of something from outside of your relationship like financial struggles, health issues, or family conflicts, or internal challenges like miscommunication, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations. Challenges are inevitable, but how you approach them can make all the difference. Facing trials together as a team, grounded in faith, transforms difficult seasons into opportunities for growth, deeper connection, and reliance on God.
One of the most important decisions we made early in our marriage was to never speak of, or even consider, the "D-word" — divorce. For us, it became a non-negotiable. By intentionally removing any mention of the word from our vocabulary, we made a decision to face every challenge together, no matter how tough it got. By eliminating the option of giving up, we committed to finding a way through every difficulty — with God's guidance. This mindset has kept us united, knowing that no matter what comes our way, walking away is simply not an option.
There was a really dark time early in our marriage when things almost didn't work. In one of our arguments before we had made this agreement together, I said that word, and immediately, it felt like it ripped my heart out. Our relationship immediately got much worse from that moment on, almost to the point of being unfixable. We were on our last thread, and once I said that word, everything got much worse, much faster. The pain of saying it haunted me, and I kept replaying it in my mind. After some time had passed and we were finally starting to heal, I shared with my wife how much that moment weighed on me, and I promised her I would never say that word again. Just remembering the moment of saying that word still hurts me today, even writing this I feel the pain of that moment. I never want you to feel that pain. She made the same promise to me. From that day forward, the word became non-existent in our marriage. That promise alone created a bond we hadn't expected — it was one of the first big steps toward the God-filled marriage we have today. I believe that decision was pleasing to God and He saw our desires and our hearts for each other and healed us from the inside and helped us find the path we are now on.
Leaning on God During Difficult Seasons
One of the most powerful ways to overcome challenges in your marriage is by leaning on God for strength, wisdom, and guidance. If you are having a difficult time in your marriage — pray. If you are not someone who prays often, or wholeheartedly, you may think prayer won't work or won't help. I did. Most of my life I actually felt like prayer was just speaking into a void. But now through the eyes of my experience, I can tell you, and I promise you, prayer brings change and comfort. I promise it does! If you mean it, if you intend to truly lay your problems at God's feet, if you pray for healing and for help with your struggles in your marriage, God will be there for you. Even as I type I am getting tears in my eyes because I now finally understand the power of prayer and what it can really do for your marriage. Having the Holy Spirit in your marriage is — I can't explain it — but there is a joy that you can't experience anywhere else. I want so badly for you to have this same joy. And you can have it.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6–7Transformation Through Worship and Prayer
It wasn't until we began to realign our marriage with worship that things started to transform. There was a time early in our marriage when bedtime felt overwhelming — not in a good way. Instead of feeling comforted and connected, I felt bitter and distant. It wasn't because we didn't love each other, but because our marriage was built on earthly concerns at the time. We were focused on the stresses of life — work, finances, kids, day-to-day frustrations — and those worries seeped into every part of our relationship. The reason I was so uncomfortable was because we weren't inviting God into our marriage, especially during these most intimate moments.
It wasn't until we began to realign our marriage with worship that things started to transform. We slowly started inviting God into the most vulnerable parts of our relationship, and that included the moments we shared in bed. By focusing on worshiping God through our marriage, we found that bedtime became a place of peace, not fear. It became a time of emotional and spiritual renewal. Now, bedtime is the time we cherish most. We look forward to it during the day. On any given day, we will send at least 10 texts to each other saying how excited we are to cuddle up that night. Right now, as I write this, it is 1:47pm. I just checked my text messages and we have already mentioned being excited about cuddles 6 times. I don't live to be in bed, or to sleep; I live to hold my wife. The moment of closeness with her, holding her tight against me — that's heaven.
Growing Stronger Through Shared Adversity
Adversity has a way of bringing people closer together, especially when you choose to face it with love, grace, and a commitment to grow. For us, some of our strongest moments of connection came during times of hardship.
I have had two major knee surgeries on the same knee. I served in two branches of the military, was a powerlifter, practiced MMA for 6 years, and I drove my knees into the ground. Both times the surgeries were incredibly invasive and had me laid up in bed for over a month, completely unable to help with our businesses, our kids, or even get to the bathroom without help. My wife would have to make a drive of about 5 hours each time to get my medicine. She would have to cancel clients, move classes in our gym around, she sacrificed. She had to take me to appointments and miss work. Even though it was so long ago, I still regularly tell her thank you for all she did for me. I still show her gratitude for her effort, and love, when I needed it most. It has been years, and I still regularly show gratitude to her, and she appreciates it. Showing gratitude is one of the easiest ways to increase the strength of your marriage. Find a reason to thank them, and do so often, even if it is something from years past.
- Remove the "D-word" from your vocabulary. Make a commitment to never speak the word "divorce" in your marriage, even while joking. By eliminating this word from your conversations, you create a foundation of security and commitment. When you know that walking away is not an option, you will approach every challenge with the mindset that you are in this together, with God at the center.
- Speak life into each other during difficult times. When your spouse is going through a tough moment or day, make it a habit to speak life into them. Let them know that you see their struggles, appreciate their strength, and recognize their efforts. Speaking words of encouragement and gratitude during difficult times helps uplift your spouse and fosters a sense of unity.
- Develop a resilient mindset together. When challenges arise, ask each other: "How can we grow through this?" Instead of seeing trials as setbacks, choose to view them as opportunities to strengthen your bond and deepen your faith. Trust that God is using every challenge to shape you into the couple He's called you to be.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset and Gratitude in Marriage
Discovering the Power of Gratitude as a Couple
In marriage, the way you see things — the lens through which you view your spouse, your relationship, and your life — has an incredible impact on the reality you create. A positive mindset, grounded in gratitude, can transform not only how you experience your marriage but also the depth of connection you feel with God through that relationship. Imagine waking up each day, excited to see what God has in store for your marriage, as you intentionally choose to see the beauty and blessings in your spouse. This isn't just a dream — it can be your reality.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."
Philippians 4:8The Power of a Positive Mindset
A positive mindset doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect or ignoring challenges. Instead, it's about choosing to focus on what's good and true in every situation, even when difficulties arise. Scientifically, the brain has a remarkable ability to adapt and change through a process called neuroplasticity. This means that when you focus on positive thoughts, you can literally rewire your brain to be more optimistic and resilient — a technique I actually used when training athletes. Research shows that practicing positivity and gratitude increases levels of dopamine and serotonin. Over time, these small shifts in thought patterns build new neural pathways, making it easier to maintain a positive outlook and handle stress with grace.
In my own marriage, I've seen firsthand how the simple choice to focus on the positive has transformed our relationship. We've made it a priority to be intentional about showing gratitude in the small, everyday moments. When one of us cooks dinner, cleans the house, or does anything that benefits our family, we always express thanks. These are not grand gestures, but they carry so much weight. Don't just say the words though — mean them. There is a difference between saying something to just say it, and saying something because you mean it. When you mean it, it'll have the power to make them feel wonderful and appreciative for your gratitude.
Showing gratitude isn't just about giving or receiving praise in return. I've cooked many dinners without expecting a thank you, and honestly, if my wife forgot to express gratitude one night, I wouldn't be upset and probably wouldn't notice. Why? Because the act of service itself is an offering to God. I cook, clean, or do whatever needs to be done not just to please my wife but to worship God through my marriage. When you shift your mindset to one of serving your spouse as a form of worship, the need for recognition fades. And yet, when the thank-yous do come, they carry even more significance, because they are rooted in love and sincerity. It's a beautiful cycle of love, gratitude, and worship.
The Science of Gratitude
Gratitude isn't just a fleeting feeling of thankfulness; it's a practice that can reshape your mental and emotional state. Studies show that individuals who regularly practice gratitude experience greater levels of happiness, reduced levels of stress and depression, and improved physical health. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, people who practice gratitude can increase their happiness by up to 25% over time. Gratitude also reduces stress by lowering cortisol levels, the hormone often associated with anxiety and fear. When you and your spouse are in the habit of expressing gratitude, it becomes easier to stay calm, connected, and resilient during challenging moments.
Scriptural Wisdom on Gratitude
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16–18This command to give thanks in all circumstances reveals that gratitude is not dependent on how good or bad things are going in life. It's a practice that we are called to adopt in every situation. When we give thanks, even in difficult times, we are expressing our trust in God's goodness and provision.
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
Proverbs 17:22Transforming Your Mindset
In our marriage, we've found that practicing gratitude during tough times is especially transformative. When work is stressful or life feels overwhelming, that's when gratitude becomes even more critical. If I'm having a tough day, I make a point to tell my wife how grateful I am for her support. I'll let her know that even though something is weighing on me, I appreciate her being by my side. This not only strengthens our bond but also shifts my focus away from the stress and onto the blessing of having a partner who cares for me.
If you're struggling to adopt a positive mindset, start small. Begin by practicing gratitude for the everyday moments. When your spouse does something kind or thoughtful, take a moment to acknowledge it. When you do remember to show gratitude, say a small prayer thanking God for helping you to remember. If you realize you forgot to show gratitude, before you go to show them gratitude, say a short prayer in your head and ask God to help you to remember. These small prayers really are powerful.
The Ripple Effect of Gratitude in Marriage
One of the most beautiful things about gratitude is that it creates a ripple effect. When you consistently express gratitude to your spouse, they begin to feel more valued, appreciated, and loved. This, in turn, encourages them to express more gratitude and love back to you. It's a cycle of positivity that strengthens your bond and deepens your connection.
In my marriage, my wife and I have made it a habit to send each other texts throughout the day, expressing gratitude and love. She often sends me messages saying she misses me, she appreciates me, or she's thankful for me. These small gestures might seem insignificant, but they have a profound impact on how I feel throughout the day. They remind me that I'm loved and valued, and they motivate me to show her the same level of care and appreciation. They always have an intent of love with them — it isn't just random texts.
- Practice daily gratitude. Each day, take a few moments to reflect on what you're grateful for in your spouse and your marriage. Write it down or share it with your spouse in a conversation or text message. This small habit can have a huge impact on your relationship over time.
- Focus on the positive. When challenges arise, make a conscious effort to focus on what's good in your marriage. Instead of dwelling on the problem, ask yourself, "What can I be grateful for in this situation? How can this challenge help us grow closer?"
- Express gratitude during difficult times. It's easy to show gratitude when things are going well, but the real transformation happens when you express thankfulness during tough times. Tell your spouse how much their support means to you when you're stressed or overwhelmed, and watch how it strengthens your bond.
- Reframe negative thoughts. When negative thoughts or frustrations arise, pause and reframe them. Instead of thinking "I can't believe my spouse did that," shift your mindset to "I'm grateful we have the opportunity to work through this together."
- Incorporate gratitude into prayer. During your prayers, thank God for your spouse and your marriage. Ask Him to help you see the blessings in your relationship and to guide you in expressing love and appreciation in everything you do.
Renewing and Refreshing Your Marriage
Keeping Love Alive by Recommitting Daily
Marriage is not a destination — it's a continuous journey of adventure, rediscovery, recommitment, and renewal. To keep love alive and growing, you must actively choose each day to love your spouse, serve them, and honor God through your relationship. Recommitting daily is about taking small, intentional steps to strengthen your connection, renew your commitment, and build a marriage that reflects God's love in every moment.
One of the practices that has kept our marriage vibrant is the way we speak words of encouragement and gratitude to each other every day. Throughout the day, we send random texts to one another saying "I love you," "I appreciate you," "I miss you," "I have had a great day with you," or "I enjoy my life with you." These small but meaningful messages continually reaffirm that we are partners together, two souls living one life. It's in these daily affirmations that we remind each other of the love and appreciation we hold, strengthening our bond and deepening our commitment.
Recommitting daily doesn't have to be complicated. It can be as simple as speaking words of affirmation, praying together in the morning, or setting aside time to talk about dreams and goals. Small acts of love — holding hands, offering a hug, writing a note on paper, or simply being fully present — are powerful ways to renew your bond and express your commitment.
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22–23Just as God's mercies are new every day, so is your opportunity to renew your love for each other and walk in God's faithfulness.
Manifesting Love Through a Positive Mindset
Your perception shapes your reality. In marriage, holding a positive, faith-filled mindset will make all the difference. Choosing to see your marriage as a relationship overflowing with love, joy, and worship — even during tough seasons — creates a reality where those qualities consistently flourish. It's about deciding to wake up every day believing that your marriage is a gift, that you are deeply in love with each other, and that every moment together is an opportunity to worship God.
We learned that by holding on to a mindset of positivity and love and intent, even when our feelings weren't aligned, our marriage began to reflect that reality. The more we focused on the positive aspects of our relationship, the stronger those aspects became. When you choose to see your spouse as God sees them — with love, grace, and worthiness — you begin to manifest a marriage filled with the joy and peace that comes from Him. When you look at your spouse, practice trying to see them as God sees them. Try to imagine how God views your spouse — a person He created, placed a soul into, breathed life into, and loves.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Romans 12:2Choosing Joy Daily, Rooted in the Holy Spirit
Happiness is not a feeling — it's a choice, a way of approaching life and your relationship with a heart of gratitude, positivity, and worship. But true joy in a marriage comes when it's full of the Holy Spirit. It's the kind of joy that goes beyond fleeting happiness, and it's a joy that's grounded in the presence of God, filling your relationship with peace, love, and a deep sense of contentment.
"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
Galatians 5:22–23When your marriage is filled with the Holy Spirit, this fruit manifests naturally, and joy becomes the foundation of how you love and interact with one another. This kind of joy isn't dependent on circumstances — it's rooted in the assurance that God is at work in your relationship, guiding you, strengthening you, and filling your hearts with His peace.
Celebration and Creating Moments of Joy
Celebration is another important aspect of renewing your marriage. Celebrations are moments to acknowledge milestones, victories, and even the simple joys of everyday life. They don't have to be elaborate — sometimes it's as simple as sharing a special dinner, taking a walk together, or laughing and having fun.
As I mentioned before, one of the most sacred times in our marriage is bedtime. We view it not just as a time to rest physically but as a daily renewal of our emotional and spiritual intimacy. It's a space where the outside world doesn't exist, where we can reconnect in the quiet, with no distractions, just the two of us. In bed, we're able to hold each other without the pressures of the day, without the noise of the world.
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure."
Hebrews 13:4In our view, bedtime is a holy time, where we can offer our relationship to God as a form of worship. As we hold each other, we are reminded that our marriage is a gift from Him, and this sacred space becomes a place of emotional healing and renewal. No matter how challenging the day has been, bedtime is where we come together to reset. It's where we can put everything aside and focus on what truly matters: each other and our connection to God. We often pray together, express gratitude for each other, and simply be still in each other's presence.
Building a Vision for the Future of Your Marriage
Having a vision for your marriage gives you direction, purpose, and excitement for the future. When we began building a vision for our marriage, we discovered a new level of unity and purpose. We talked about what we wanted our future to look like — not just in terms of career or family goals, but in terms of how we wanted to grow spiritually, how we wanted to serve others, and how we wanted our marriage to reflect God's love. We prayed about our vision, wrote down our goals, and made a commitment to pursue that vision together, trusting that God would lead us every step of the way.
Embracing Renewal as a Lifelong Journey
Renewing and refreshing your marriage is not something you do once — it's a lifelong journey of growth, worship, and grace. It's about seeing every season as an opportunity to grow, every moment as an invitation to love, and every challenge as a chance to trust in God's faithfulness. When you make renewal a daily habit, you build a marriage that is not only joyful but also deeply connected to God's heart and purpose. Embrace the journey of renewal with hope and expectation. Be willing to laugh together, dream together, pray together, and seek God's presence together.
Your marriage is a gift — a gift to cherish, a gift to nurture, and a gift to use as a powerful act of worship. Let each day be a celebration of that gift, and let your love for each other be a beautiful reflection of God's love for you.
- Choose joy together through the Holy Spirit. Invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage each day to fill your hearts with true joy. Pray together for joy that transcends circumstances and comes from the presence of God. When your marriage is filled with the Holy Spirit, joy becomes the foundation of how you love, serve, and support each other, no matter what you face.
- Dream together and build a vision for the future. Regularly set aside time to dream and talk about the future you want to build together. Pray for God's guidance as you create goals — both big and small — that reflect your desire to grow spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Building a shared vision for the future strengthens your unity as a couple and keeps your marriage focused on God's purpose.
Guarding Your Marriage
Building a Walled Garden of Worship and Love
Marriage is sacred. Protecting it isn't just a nice idea — it's a necessity. A marriage grounded in God and built on love is one of the most powerful relationships you can have, but it's also vulnerable if left unguarded. You can't afford to let the world creep in, to allow distractions, temptations, or complacency to tarnish what you've worked so hard to build with your spouse.
In our marriage, I've come to see it as a walled garden — healthy, beautiful, full of life, and constantly growing through the seeds we've planted with intent together. Those seeds are our acts of love, our worship, and our commitment to honoring God through our relationship. Every new habit we try to make to help the other, we plant a seed. Every time we say "I love you" before we say anything out of frustration, we water it. But this beautiful garden, like any other garden, must be protected from outside influences and trespassers. The boundaries we've set, the intentional choices we've made to guard our hearts and eyes — these are the walls that keep our marriage safe from anything that could destroy the beauty within.
You don't build these walls out of fear or distrust; you build them out of love and reverence for what God has blessed you with. Every decision you make to protect your marriage is an act of worship, honoring the covenant you've made with your spouse and with God. You have to treat your marriage like the precious, sacred space it is. Without those walls, the world will intrude, and it will try to trample what you've built.
Guarding Your Eyes to Protect Your Heart
One of the most vital ways to guard your marriage is by guarding your eyes. In today's world, distractions are everywhere. You can't walk down the street, turn on the TV, or scroll through social media without seeing something that has the potential to lead your mind astray. The problem isn't just the images themselves — it's what happens in your heart and mind when you let your eyes linger.
Let me be very clear: this isn't about policing your spouse's behavior, and it's not even about how your spouse might react if they saw you noticing someone else. It's about you and your own holiness. This is about your relationship with God and the purity of your heart. I'm not guarding my eyes because I'm worried my wife might be upset — I'm guarding my eyes because I don't want anything to come between me and God. And in doing that, I'm also protecting my marriage.
"Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:28That verse became a turning point for me. I knew I didn't want to be that man. I didn't want to sin against my wife, even in my thoughts. And I certainly didn't want to sin against God. So I started making conscious decisions about where I let my eyes wander. Early on, it was tough. At first, I'd brush it off — "I'm a guy, I'm wired to notice." But soon, that excuse stopped working for me, because I realized it was just that — an excuse. It was still sin, whether it was an accident or not. So I started actively turning my eyes away when something came into my peripheral vision. It was a practice, a discipline I was determined to develop.
Over time, it became second nature. And while it might sound small, it made a world of difference. It wasn't just about not looking — it was about honoring my wife and honoring God with every choice I made. The more I practiced this, the more I noticed how much peace it brought into our relationship. My wife saw it, too. She saw the intentionality in the way I carried myself, and that brought an unspoken sense of security into our marriage.
Humility Over Pride: Overcoming Temptation
I'll admit, there was a point when I got a little too proud of myself for how well I was doing. I started to think, "I've got this. I'm beating temptation." That pride, though, was its own form of sin. That's when I began praying instead. If I accidentally noticed someone in a way I shouldn't, I didn't scold myself — I turned to God. "Lord, help me guard my eyes. Remove any lust from me and help me honor You." This journey of guarding my eyes wasn't just about avoiding sin — it became about growing in holiness. And as I grew closer to God, I noticed that the temptations I used to struggle with weren't even on my radar anymore. When you walk in obedience, when you actively protect your marriage and your eyes, God honors that. He helps you grow. He takes away the stumbling blocks and replaces them with peace.
Setting Boundaries: Building the Walls Around Your Garden
Our marriage isn't just a garden — it's a fortress. One of the key decisions we made was to avoid close friendships with members of the opposite sex. We didn't come to this decision because of insecurity or distrust. We made this choice because we wanted to remove any possibility of sin creeping into our relationship. This wasn't something I demanded of my wife, and it wasn't something she imposed on me. It was a decision we made together, out of mutual respect and a shared desire to honor God. When you're using your marriage as worship, you don't want anything to come in and spoil it. Boundaries are not limitations — they are protections. They're the walls that keep the sacredness of your relationship intact.
Cultivating a Temptation-Free Environment
When I owned a gym, I followed athletes on social media, many of whom were women. I wasn't following them because they were attractive — I was following them because they were in the same sport. But over time, I started to realize that it didn't matter what my intent was. What mattered was what I allowed into my life. So, I unfollowed those accounts. I made a decision to remove anything that could be a stumbling block. You have to be just as diligent in your life. If there are people, accounts, or media you consume that even slightly pulls your attention away from your spouse, cut it out. This isn't about being paranoid or extreme — it's about protecting what's most important to you.
The Reward: A Marriage Protected and Honored
Here's the truth: when you build these walls, when you guard your eyes and your heart, the reward is immeasurable. My wife and I have a marriage that is so full of peace, trust, and unity that I know it's only because we've been intentional about protecting it. There's no fear of temptation, no concern about wandering eyes, no anxiety about the future. We are fully present with each other, and our focus is on honoring God in everything we do. I want this for you. I want you to experience the kind of marriage that is free from temptation, free from fear, and fully centered on God. But that only happens when you're intentional about guarding what God has given you.
- Guard your eyes intentionally. Start by making conscious choices about what you allow yourself to see. Unfollow social media accounts that don't honor your marriage or that subtly tempt you to look away from your spouse. This step is a tangible way to remove distractions from your life and protect the sacred space of your relationship.
- Set boundaries on friendships. Have an open conversation with your spouse about setting boundaries on friendships with members of the opposite sex. Create an agreement that honors your marriage and eliminates the possibility of temptation or misunderstanding. Remember, this isn't about control — it's about protection.
- Pray for strength and guidance. Incorporate prayer into your daily life, specifically asking God to help you guard your eyes and protect your marriage. Whenever you feel tempted or notice your attention straying, pray for God's help in redirecting your focus. God honors your obedience and your desire to protect what He has given you.
The Journey to a Worshipful Marriage
Embracing God's Plan for Your Marriage Every Day
As we've explored throughout this book, marriage is not just a partnership between two people — it's a sacred covenant, a living testament to God's love, grace, and divine plan for our lives. When you view your marriage as an act of worship, you invite God into every part of your relationship, allowing Him to mold and shape it into something that reflects His heart. It's not a distant dream or a lofty goal — it's something real, something achievable. And here's the truth: a joyful, harmonious, and Spirit-filled marriage is entirely possible.
Let me say this: my wife and I have what others might say is impossible. We have reached a point in our marriage where we experience a level of peace and happiness that many believe is unattainable. We don't argue. Disagreements? Sure, we have those — just like any couple — but we don't let them turn into conflict. We've gotten to a place where we can work through differences without tension or strife. Our marriage, I can confidently say, is as close to perfect as it can get — full of the joy of the Holy Spirit and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Now, I know that might sound bold, but it's not by chance. It didn't happen overnight. It's the result of hard work, commitment, and most importantly, surrendering our marriage to God and allowing Him to guide us in everything we do. We made a choice to treat our marriage as a form of worship, and because of that, everything changed.
What's even more exciting is that this is available to everyone. No matter where you are right now — whether your marriage is filled with joy or if you're feeling disconnected from your spouse — this transformation is possible for you too. God desires for your marriage to be full of love, peace, and joy. He wants to fill your relationship with the same Holy Spirit who has worked wonders in our marriage.
When you make the decision to worship God through your marriage, everything becomes different. The Holy Spirit strengthens your bond, and God smiles upon your efforts. Disagreements that once caused tension are now opportunities for growth. Routines that may have felt mundane are transformed into moments of intentional love and service. And even the smallest gestures — a smile, a word of encouragement, a prayer — become sacred acts of worship that bring you closer together.
When you make your marriage an act of worship, you are inviting God into the very core of your relationship. You are saying: "Lord, this is Yours. We trust You. We honor You. We need You." And in return, God blesses that commitment in ways you never imagined.
This kind of marriage isn't reserved for a select few. It's not a secret only some couples discover. It's for everyone who is willing to put in the work, to lean on God, and to choose daily to honor Him through their relationship. The love, peace, and unity my wife and I have found are possible for you too. It doesn't matter where you are in your journey. You could be newly married, years into your relationship, or even feeling like you're drifting apart — God can work in your marriage if you let Him.
Love with Intention and Purpose
Loving intentionally means actively choosing to put your spouse's needs ahead of your own, to serve them with joy, and to show them love in the little things. It's about making love a daily practice, not just a feeling. Intentional love goes beyond grand gestures and special occasions — it's found in the small, everyday actions. Whether it's doing the dishes without being asked, leaving a thoughtful note, or simply listening with full attention, these are the moments where love truly thrives.
For us, it was the decision to love with purpose that brought about the greatest transformation. Once we shifted our mindset from "What can I get?" to "What can I give?" our entire relationship changed. It wasn't about the size of the act but the heart behind it. And this is something every couple can do. The more you choose to love intentionally, the more your marriage will be filled with peace, trust, and intimacy.
Pursue Unity in Every Area of Your Marriage
Unity is more than just getting along — it's about being aligned in your purpose and vision for your marriage. It means walking through life as a team, supporting each other through every season, and making decisions that reflect your shared commitment to honoring God. My wife and I made the decision early on that our marriage would be a place of peace, and that has made all the difference. We don't allow conflict to take root. Even in disagreement, we choose unity over division. We talk, we listen, and we work through differences with grace. This commitment to unity has created a space where God's presence can work in our marriage in powerful ways.
Worship Through Every Season and Circumstance
Marriage is full of different seasons — some filled with joy, others with challenges — but worshiping God through every season is what keeps your marriage grounded and filled with hope. When you invite God into both the celebrations and the struggles, you're creating a marriage that's built on a solid foundation. Worship is more than just singing songs on a Sunday morning — it's how you live your life. It's how you treat your spouse, how you respond in difficult times, and how you celebrate the blessings in your marriage. When you choose to worship God through your marriage, you're inviting His presence into every moment, making even the ordinary sacred.
Encouraging a Lifetime of Growth, Joy, and Faith
Marriage is a journey of growth — a journey that is meant to be filled with joy, faith, and love. Growth doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen when you're willing to embrace each moment as an opportunity to learn, to love, and to trust God more deeply. Each day is a chance to grow closer to your spouse and closer to God, and every step of the journey is filled with purpose.
Joy isn't something you wait for — it's something you choose. It's found in the simple, everyday moments — sharing a meal, laughing together, or just sitting side by side in quiet contentment. Faith is the foundation that holds it all together. When you build your marriage on faith, you create a relationship that is not only strong but also deeply rooted in God's grace and love. This kind of marriage is resilient, joyful, and filled with peace — because it's built on something greater than just the two of you. It's built on God.
So, as you continue this journey, let your marriage be a reflection of God's faithfulness. Let it be a light to the world, showing others what is possible when two people commit to loving each other and honoring God in everything they do. Your marriage can be a source of joy, peace, and hope — not just for you but for everyone who sees the beauty of what God is doing in your relationship.
Final Prayer and Blessing for Your Marriage
As you come to the end of this book, I want to offer you a final prayer — a blessing for your marriage. May God fill your hearts with His love, guide you in unity, and inspire you to live out your marriage as a beautiful act of worship to Him. Amen.
The Endless Journey of Love, Unity, and Worship
Your marriage is a journey — a journey that is filled with growth, love, and endless opportunities to worship God. It's not a destination you arrive at and stay; it's a lifelong process of growing together, loving each other more deeply, and honoring God in everything you do.
Remember, your marriage is a gift. Cherish it, nurture it, and share it with the world. Let your love for each other be a reflection of God's endless love. Let your marriage inspire others to seek God's goodness. And let your relationship be a beautiful act of worship that brings glory to His name.
As you walk this journey, trust that God is with you every step of the way. He is guiding you, strengthening you, and filling your marriage with His love and grace. Trust in His goodness, lean on His strength, and let your marriage be a reflection of His joy, unity, and worship.
May your marriage be filled with joy, may your love be filled with grace, and may your journey together be a lifelong act of worship that brings honor and glory to God.
