Chapter 4: Prayer as the Foundation of a Godly Marriage
Inviting God into Your Marriage
For many people new to it, prayer can feel like a complicated thing—especially if no one has ever really shown you how to do it. But prayer doesn’t need to be formal or full of the right words. In fact, some of the most powerful prayers are just simple, honest conversations with God.
I never knew how to pray. Nobody taught me the right way to do it, and, looking back, I’m glad they didn’t. Instead of following what someone else said, I just started talking to God like I would with anyone else. As a kid, I remember lying in bed, asking God if He had a good day in heaven or if He ever had to deal with annoying tasks. I’d ask Him questions like, “Does anyone ever just ask You how Your day’s going?” These little chats felt natural, like I was building a connection that was uniquely my own. And, without even realizing it, I was building a habit—one that has shaped my life and my relationship with God. I still do this. At night when I am falling asleep, I like to get lost in prayer. I will talk to God, and instead of telling Him the things I need, I ask Him about His day. I’ll ask if there are jobs in heaven, can I pick my job? Is there paperwork we have to deal with? Do people dislike Wednesdays there too? These are silly prayers and completely non-biblical, but I like to think that it may be nice to have someone asking Him about how His day is going instead of people always telling Him about theirs. It’s silly, but it is a part of my personal relationship with God, and I enjoy it. I think He does too.
The Simplicity of Talking to God
Prayer doesn’t have to be filled with polished words or long sentences. If you’re just starting your journey with God, try talking to Him as you would a friend or a family member. He already knows what’s on your heart, so you don’t have to hide anything. Share what’s going on in your day, thank Him for the small things, or ask Him questions—even if they seem silly. Scripture reminds us in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” God wants us to come to Him in every situation, big or small.
As I grew older, these simple conversations became a way to keep God close throughout my day. Now, I often say little prayers of gratitude—things like, “Thank You for this beautiful day” or “Thank You for getting me through today.” Short, personal prayers are my way of staying grounded and remembering that God is present in every moment.
The Power of Gratitude in Prayer
Gratitude has become one of the most important parts of my prayer life. Gratitude doesn’t just change your relationship with God; it changes the way you see the world. The more grateful you are, the more you start to notice blessings in your life. And when you begin to recognize these blessings, it becomes easier to turn to God, to thank Him, and to seek His presence.
I’ve found that when you’re thankful for your marriage, you begin to see more reasons to be grateful. Every small act, every moment of kindness or patience from your spouse, starts to stand out, and you realize how blessed you are. And when you recognize these moments, you want to thank God for them, which brings you closer to both Him and your spouse.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” now and then—it’s about cultivating a heart that sees and rejoices in God’s goodness, even in the everyday.
How Prayer Shifts Your Mindset
When you make a habit of personal prayer, it doesn’t just change your relationship with God; it begins to change how you see yourself, others, and even the challenges in your life. Praying regularly—even in short, honest bursts throughout the day—keeps your mind centered on God. It reminds you that He’s present in every moment and that you can turn to Him anytime.
As you pray, you’ll start to notice a shift in your perspective. Your thoughts become more patient, less reactive. Gratitude grows where frustration used to take over, and you start seeing situations, people, and even your spouse in a gentler light. Romans 12:2 encourages this kind of transformation: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Prayer isn’t just about changing our circumstances; it’s about letting God transform our hearts and minds.
This shift also affects the way you approach marriage. When you’re in regular conversation with God, He’ll begin to open your eyes to the small blessings within your relationship, and the things you once took for granted will become reasons for gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you wish would change, you start seeing the good that’s already there. Prayer becomes the lens through which you view your marriage, leading you to appreciate your spouse in ways you might not have otherwise.
How Personal Prayer Strengthens Your Marriage
One of the most surprising effects of personal prayer is how it strengthens your marriage, even before you introduce prayer as a couple. When you’re consistently turning to God, seeking His guidance, and thanking Him for your spouse, you’re creating a foundation of love and patience that reflects back into your relationship. Those short, sincere prayers throughout the day remind you of what you love about your spouse and of the ways God is working within your marriage.
Proverbs 3:5-6 offers wisdom here: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Personal prayer helps you trust in God’s guidance for your marriage, even when challenges arise. When both you and your spouse build individual prayer habits, you’re each growing closer to God, which brings you closer to each other as well. The love and patience you cultivate with God will start to overflow into your interactions with your spouse.
Moving Into Couples’ Prayer
Once you’ve established a habit of personal prayer, praying together as a couple becomes a natural next step. You might begin by simply sharing moments of gratitude together, thanking God for specific blessings in your marriage or praying for guidance in areas where you need His help. Starting with these small moments can make praying together feel less intimidating.
When you pray with your spouse, you’re inviting God to be at the center of your relationship, uniting both of you in purpose and intention. It’s a powerful way to open your hearts to each other and to God. Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” When you pray together, God’s presence becomes tangible in a way that draws you closer, strengthening not only your faith but also the bond you share as a couple.
Don’t worry about getting it perfect or following a specific formula. The beauty of prayer is in its honesty, and that’s true for couples’ prayer too. Whether you’re praying for each other’s strengths, thanking God for the day’s blessings, or simply asking for guidance, these moments of unity in prayer can become a powerful source of connection in your marriage.
Building a Life of Prayer Together
Building a life of prayer, both individually and as a couple, brings transformation that goes far beyond what you may expect. It’s in these small, daily prayers that you find the strength to love selflessly, to forgive, and to approach each day with a heart open to God’s guidance. As you keep showing up in prayer, God meets you there, renewing your mind, restoring your heart, and deepening your connection to Him and to each other.
Your relationship with God is deeply personal, and as you grow closer to Him through personal prayer, your marriage will naturally reflect that love. So start where you are, make prayer a part of your day in whatever way feels natural, and watch how God works through these simple moments to bring you and your spouse closer than ever before.
Practical Steps for Building a Foundation of Prayer in Your Marriage
1. Have an Open Dialogue About Prayer
During intentional time together, use the opportunity to have an open conversation about prayer. Ask your spouse if they prayed much growing up, if they feel comfortable praying together now, or if there’s anything that makes it difficult for them to practice prayer with you. The goal is to create a space for honest dialogue and understanding, fostering a deeper emotional and spiritual connection. Remember, the key to unity is communication, and by discussing your prayer life together, you’ll build the foundation for growing together spiritually.
2. Start the Habit of Daily Prayer Before Dinner Together
If prayer feels new or uncomfortable, an easy way to begin is by introducing a simple prayer of gratitude before dinner. This can be as brief as thanking God for your meal and asking Him to help you use your marriage as an opportunity to worship Him. If praying before meals is new, you can approach it by saying you want to take a moment to express gratitude for your day and the blessings you've experienced. Over time, this simple act of praying together before meals will become a natural part of your routine, strengthening your unity in the process.
