Chapter 12: Guarding Your Marriage
Building a Walled Garden of Worship and Love
Marriage is sacred. Protecting it isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a necessity. A marriage grounded in God and built on love is one of the most powerful relationships you can have, but it’s also vulnerable if left unguarded. You can’t afford to let the world creep in, to allow distractions, temptations, or complacency to tarnish what you’ve worked so hard to build with your spouse.
In our marriage, I’ve come to see it as a walled garden—healthy, beautiful, full of life, and constantly growing through the seeds we’ve planted with intent together. Those seeds are our acts of love, our worship, and our commitment to honoring God through our relationship. Every new habit we try to make to help the other, we plant a seed. Everytime we say “I love you” before we say anything out of frustration, we water it. But this beautiful garden, like any other garden, must be protected from outside influences and trespassers. The boundaries we’ve set, the intentional choices we’ve made to guard our hearts and eyes—these are the walls that keep our marriage safe from anything that could destroy the beauty within.
You don’t build these walls out of fear or distrust; you build them out of love and reverence for what God has blessed you with. Every decision you make to protect your marriage is an act of worship, honoring the covenant you’ve made with your spouse and with God. You have to treat your marriage like the precious, sacred space it is. Without those walls, the world will intrude, and it will try to trample what you’ve built.
Guarding Your Eyes to Protect Your Heart
One of the most vital ways to guard your marriage is by guarding your eyes. In today’s world, distractions are everywhere. You can’t walk down the street, turn on the TV, or scroll through social media without seeing something that has the potential to lead your mind astray. The problem isn’t just the images themselves—it’s what happens in your heart and mind when you let your eyes linger.
Let me be very clear: this isn’t about policing your spouse’s behavior, and it’s not even about how your spouse might react if they saw you noticing someone else. It’s about you and your own holiness. This is about your relationship with God and the purity of your heart. I’m not guarding my eyes because I’m worried my wife might be upset—I’m guarding my eyes because I don’t want anything to come between me and God. And in doing that, I’m also protecting my marriage.
Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:28 hit me hard: "Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." That verse became a turning point for me. I knew I didn’t want to be that man. I didn’t want to sin against my wife, even in my thoughts. And I certainly didn’t want to sin against God. So I started making conscious decisions about where I let my eyes wander.
Early on, it was tough. There were moments when I would accidentally catch sight of a woman dressed in a way that wasn’t honoring. At first, I’d brush it off—“I’m a guy, I’m wired to notice.” But soon, that excuse stopped working for me, because it realized it was just that, an excuse. It was still sin, whether it was an accident or not. I knew I needed to be more intentional. So, I started actively turning my eyes away when something came into my peripheral vision. It was a practice, a discipline I was determined to develop.
Over time, it became second nature. And while it might sound small, it made a world of difference. It wasn’t just about not looking—it was about honoring my wife and honoring God with every choice I made. The more I practiced this, the more I noticed how much peace it brought into our relationship. My wife saw it, too. She saw the intentionality in the way I carried myself, and that brought an unspoken sense of security into our marriage.
Humility Over Pride: Overcoming Temptation
I’ll admit, there was a point when I got a little too proud of myself for how well I was doing. I started to think, “I’ve got this. I’m beating temptation.” That pride, though, was its own form of sin. And it’s one that snuck up on me. I realized that even though I was avoiding the pitfalls of lust, I was letting arrogance take root. I started congratulating myself in my head every time I averted my eyes, and it felt wrong.
That’s when I began praying instead. If I accidentally noticed someone in a way I shouldn’t, I didn’t scold myself—I turned to God. “Lord, help me guard my eyes. Remove any lust from me and help me honor You.” That’s when I began to see real change. It wasn’t just about discipline anymore; it was about drawing closer to God in those moments of weakness and asking for His strength.
This journey of guarding my eyes wasn’t just about avoiding sin—it became about growing in holiness. And as I grew closer to God, I noticed that the temptations I used to struggle with weren’t even on my radar anymore. When you walk in obedience, when you actively protect your marriage and your eyes, God honors that. He helps you grow. He takes away the stumbling blocks and replaces them with peace.
Setting Boundaries: Building the Walls Around Your Garden
Our marriage isn’t just a garden—it’s a fortress. And the walls we’ve built are the boundaries we’ve set to keep it safe. One of the key decisions we made was to avoid close friendships with members of the opposite sex. We didn’t come to this decision because of insecurity or distrust. We made this choice because we wanted to remove any possibility of sin creeping into our relationship.
This wasn’t something I demanded of my wife, and it wasn’t something she imposed on me. It was a decision we made together, out of mutual respect and a shared desire to honor God. When you’re using your marriage as worship, you don’t want anything to come in and spoil it—not even the appearance of impropriety. By making this boundary, we’ve created a sense of security and trust that is unshakable.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds extreme,” I encourage you to look at your marriage and ask yourself how much you’re willing to protect it. Boundaries are not limitations—they are protections. They’re the walls that keep the sacredness of your relationship intact. And if you’re serious about honoring God through your marriage, then you should be serious about protecting it.
Cultivating a Temptation-Free Environment
I want to be clear: temptation will always exist in the world. But that doesn’t mean you have to let it into your life. When you guard your marriage, when you make conscious decisions to honor God and your spouse, you are choosing to keep temptation outside your walls. It doesn’t have to find a way in.
I’ve worked hard to reach a point where I don’t even notice temptation anymore. But it wasn’t always this way. When I owned a gym, I followed athletes on social media, many of whom were women. I wasn’t following them because they were attractive—I was following them because they were in the same sport. But over time, I started to realize that it didn’t matter what my intent was. What mattered was what I allowed into my life. So, I unfollowed those accounts. I made a decision to remove anything that could be a stumbling block.
You have to be just as diligent in your life. If there are people, accounts, or media you consume that even slightly pulls your attention away from your spouse, cut it out. This isn’t about being paranoid or extreme—it’s about protecting what’s most important to you.
The Reward: A Marriage Protected and Honored
Here’s the truth: when you build these walls, when you guard your eyes and your heart, the reward is immeasurable. My wife and I have a marriage that is so full of peace, trust, and unity that I know it’s only because we’ve been intentional about protecting it. There’s no fear of temptation, no concern about wandering eyes, no anxiety about the future. We are fully present with each other, and our focus is on honoring God in everything we do.
But this kind of marriage doesn’t just happen—it takes work. You have to be willing to take it seriously. You have to be willing to protect it fiercely. I want this for you. I want you to experience the kind of marriage that is free from temptation, free from fear, and fully centered on God. But that only happens when you’re intentional about guarding what God has given you.
Practical Steps for Guarding Your Marriage
Let’s take what we’ve talked about and put it into action. These practical steps, based on what you’ve learned in this chapter, will help you build those walls and protect your marriage as a sacred, God-honoring union.
Guard Your Eyes Intentionally Just like we’ve discussed, start by making conscious choices about what you allow yourself to see. Unfollow social media accounts that don’t honor your marriage or that subtly tempt you to look away from your spouse. This step is a tangible way to remove distractions from your life.
Set Boundaries on Friendships Have an open conversation with your spouse about setting boundaries on friendships with members of the opposite sex. Create an agreement that honors your marriage and eliminates the possibility of temptation or misunderstanding. Remember, this isn’t about control—it’s about protection.
Pray for Strength and Guidance Incorporate prayer into your daily life, specifically asking God to help you guard your eyes and protect your marriage. Whenever you feel tempted or notice your attention straying, pray for God’s help in redirecting your focus.
