Chapter 7: Growing Together Spiritually
Pursuing God as a Couple: Establishing Spiritual Practices
One of the most rewarding, and bond building journeys you can embark on as a married couple is growing spiritually together. Spiritual growth doesn’t just strengthen your individual faith; it draws you closer as a couple and aligns your lives with a shared purpose rooted in God’s will. It's not a one-time achievement but an ongoing journey, one that constantly evolves as you learn, support each other, and seek God’s presence in your relationship.
For my wife and me, this spiritual journey was something that naturally, but with intent, unfolded over time. There wasn’t a single event that marked the beginning of our shared growth—it just started happening as I was striving to grow closer to God, and she did too. She was seeing my effort, and without being asked, started to put her effort in too. We didn’t plan for it; it felt as though the more I sought to be holy and live in accordance with God’s will, the more I noticed my wife also deepening her faith. It wasn’t forced or orchestrated, and I began to realize that spiritual growth, when approached with an open heart, has a way of blossoming organically.
One of the things that really stood out to me during this time was how conversations about what I was reading in the Bible or learning from sermons became a regular part of our lives. I’d share something I’d read, and she would respond with her own thoughts or questions, sparking a deep discussion. Over time, I watched her dive deeper into Scripture, gaining new understanding and insights. These discussions led to some of the most meaningful conversations we’ve ever had—talks about faith, God’s plan, and the ways we were seeing Him move in our lives and in our relationship.
I also make it a point to encourage her along the way. Whenever I notice her growing in faith, I take a moment to let her know how much I recognize and appreciate her spiritual growth, speaking life into her. I express gratitude for her drawing closer to God—not because I think my words can change her, but because encouragement can fuel her desire to grow even more. And as she grows in faith, I find myself growing too, and vice versa. Spiritual growth in marriage isn’t a solo journey; it’s a shared path that impacts both partners in profound ways.
A Shared Practice of Worship Through Marriage
Our spiritual growth as a couple didn’t just come from Bible studies or attending church—it’s become a way of life. We use our marriage itself as a spiritual practice, as a form of worship. Over time, this has become natural, and you can see it in every interaction we have with each other. People around us notice it too, often commenting on the unique closeness we share. But this isn’t something exclusive to us—it’s available to any couple who chooses to treat their marriage as an act of worship, a sacred reflection of God’s love.
Our weekly meanders have become one of our most cherished practices. During these drives, we talk about God, reflect on what we’ve learned, and discuss the ways we see Him working in our lives. It’s more than just a time to connect with each other—it’s a spiritual tradition that brings us closer to God as well. In a way, it’s become our own form of church, a sacred space where we immerse ourselves in faith as a couple. These meanders ground us spiritually and emotionally, reminding us of the power of seeking God together.
Supporting Each Other’s Spiritual Journey
One of the most important aspects of growing spiritually together is learning to encourage and support each other’s walk with God. Everyone’s journey of faith is unique, but in marriage, that journey is shared. When my wife tries new ways of worship or feels drawn to something different in her faith, I meet it with enthusiasm and excitement—not just for her but for us. I recognize that her spiritual growth doesn’t just impact her; it strengthens our marriage, deepens our bond, and brings us both closer to God. Anytime I see even the smallest sign of her growing in her faith, I make a point to celebrate it with her. Watching her grow spiritually is, without question, one of the most wonderful things in my life.
I’ve made it a priority to ask questions when she brings up something new—whether it’s a different way to worship or a new church she wants to visit. I’ll ask, “What draws us to this?” or “How do you feel this will bring us closer to Him?” By framing it as something we’re doing together, I reinforce the idea that her growth is also my growth. We’re nurturing this spiritual journey together, just like tending to a plant that needs water, sunlight, and care to grow. The more we invest in each other’s spiritual growth, the more we both flourish.
One scripture that guides us in this process is 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Supporting your spouse’s spiritual journey is about more than being a cheerleader from the sidelines—it’s about walking alongside them, knowing that when one of you grows closer to God, you both do.
Serving God Together: Worship Beyond Church Walls
Our spiritual growth has also deepened through serving God together. One way we do this is through what we call 'hospice puppies.' We adopt elderly or terminally ill dogs from shelters, bringing them into our home to love and care for them in their final days. Many of these dogs have been abandoned or forgotten, but with us, they experience love, warmth, and family. For us, this goes beyond an act of kindness—it’s a way of worship. God breathed life into these creatures just as He did for us, and we want to honor that life by surrounding them with love and care in their final moments."
Jesus said in Matthew 25:40, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” We take this literally. Now, while a dog might not be a brother or sister of Jesus, God breathed life into these animals just as He did into us. Honoring that life, whether human or not, is something I believe pleases Him. Every time we help someone in need, we see it as directly serving the Being that is Jesus. Whether it’s providing for a homeless person or offering kindness to someone going through a tough time, we view it as a spiritual act and a way of honoring God.
There are many acts of service we keep private because of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:1-4, where He tells us not to perform good deeds for public recognition. Some things I do, I don’t even share with my wife. I want those moments to be between me and God. If I help someone and tell my wife, her words of affirmation may become my reward. That’s wonderful, but I’m after heavenly rewards, not earthly ones. So, much of my charity is private—hidden, even from my wife—not because I’m hiding it, but because these are deeds done only for God’s eyes and His glory, not my own.
I want to share these things with her, but sometimes it feels better for both our souls if I follow Jesus’ teaching: 'When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.' As you read this, you can see I’m still on this journey, still experiencing spiritual growth. I wrestle daily with questions like, 'Should I tell my wife I gave my shoes to a homeless man?' I could seek answers from a pastor or a priest, but honestly, I cherish the time spent wrestling with these questions myself. This struggle to understand and live out Scripture has become a vital part of my journey to worship God in ways that feel deeply personal and genuine.
The only exception is if I share these stories with our son, using them as a way to teach him about serving others and growing in faith. I do this with the intention of helping him understand that serving others is a form of worship, and if it helps him grow closer to God, I’m willing to give up any personal heavenly rewards, so that he may be able to learn from my example and act in a way that will help him have his own heavenly rewards by following an example of how to serve God. This practice of quiet service, of living out our faith through actions rather than words, has brought us closer as a family and deepened our connection to God.
I want you to know that my son, who’s now an adult, has been observing the changes in my relationship with his mom over the years. It’s been interesting to watch him notice things, like how I make a point of driving her to work whenever I can. He’s still a bit puzzled by it, and sometimes he’ll ask, ‘Why do you do that?’ I can tell he doesn’t fully understand—it’s as if he’s trying to grasp why I’d go out of my way for something that seems so small. To him, it’s just a routine task, and he doesn’t yet see the intentionality behind it. So I explain, and each time, I can see the gears turning in his mind.
The questions haven’t stopped, but now, there’s a shift. His tone has changed from simple confusion to genuine curiosity, wanting to understand the “why” behind these actions. He’s learning, little by little, that love in marriage isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s about showing up in the small, everyday moments too. And I know that if I want him to truly understand, I have to purposefully be that example for him.
I know this is going to shape the way he loves his future wife one day. He’s beginning to see that these acts of love are a choice—a choice I make over and over because that’s how I want to honor his mom. And when he marries, I have no doubt that his wife will be blessed to experience that same intentional love.
Reflecting on God’s Faithfulness
Another powerful way to grow spiritually together is by taking time to reflect on God’s faithfulness. We’ve faced difficult seasons in the beginning of our marriage, just like any other couple. But looking back on those times and recognizing how God carried us through them has deepened our faith and our relationship. Reflecting on answered prayers, moments of spiritual growth, and the ways God provided for us has reminded us that He is always present, even in the toughest times.
These moments of reflection aren’t just about looking back; they help us move forward with greater trust in God and each other. When you take time to remember how God has worked in your marriage, it strengthens your resolve to keep pursuing Him together.
Practical Steps for Growing Spiritually Together
Growing spiritually as a couple doesn’t require a strict formula. It’s about being intentional and finding practices that resonate with both of you. Here are a few practical ways you can begin nurturing your spiritual bond together:
1. Set Spiritual Growth Goals as a Couple Work together to set specific spiritual goals for your relationship. This could be reading through a particular book of the Bible, establishing a prayer routine, or finding ways to serve in a ministry together. Having shared goals keeps you focused on your spiritual journey and gives you something to work toward as a team. Spiritual growth thrives when both partners are actively engaged, and these goals can help you stay aligned with each other and with God.
2. Serve God Together—Inside or Outside the Church Find ways to serve God as a couple. Whether it’s volunteering at a local shelter, helping a neighbor in need, or even serving animals like we do with our “hospice puppies,” find meaningful ways to give back. When you serve together, you strengthen not only your bond but your relationship with God. Remember, as Jesus said in Matthew 25:40, “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.” Every act of service is an act of worship.
Growing spiritually together is one of the most beautiful aspects of marriage. It allows you to build a partnership that is centered on God and anchored in faith. As you pursue spiritual growth, you’ll find your love for each other deepens, your faith becomes stronger, and your marriage transforms into a reflection of God’s love and grace.
So keep seeking God together. Keep encouraging one another. And trust that as you grow spiritually, God will continue to draw you closer—to Him and to each other.
