Chapter 1: God’s Design for Marriage as Worship
Marriage: A Gift and a Calling
What if marriage could be more than just a relationship? What if your marriage could be an offering to God—a way to worship Him through how you love each other, honor Him in every moment, and, in return, have your offering blessed by Him in abundance? What if your love for each other could serve as an act of worship, honoring God every day? In my opinion, marriage is one of the most incredible gifts we’ve been given by God. It’s a reflection of His love, His grace, and His purpose for our lives. Marriage is a gift that can bring great joy, and it can be more fulfilling and less challenging than we often think. Yes, life brings challenges, but when we approach marriage with the right heart, the right mindset, and God at the center, it can become a source of true joy and peace full of the Holy Spirit. In fact, I believe that “happily ever after” isn’t just a fairy tale—it’s something that’s within reach for everyone. Right now. Right where you are. Right with who you are with. Period.
I didn’t always see it that way. My wife and I had our struggles in the early years of our marriage. It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other; we just didn’t fully understand what marriage could be. We were living in the day-to-day, dealing with all the typical frustrations and disagreements that couples face. We had your typical modern marriage. But something shifted in our relationship when I came across a verse that I had seen countless times but now suddenly couldn’t get off my mind.
That verse was Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” At the time, I didn’t fully grasp what that kind of love meant. I didn’t know what Christ’s love for the church really looked like in practice, or how I could begin to reflect it in my marriage. How does Christ love the church? I had zero idea, I realized I didn't even have a concept of what that looked like. Words like selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional were concepts I’d heard, things I thought I understood at the time, but I didn’t truly understand them in the context of that verse. I knew they were important, but I didn’t know how to live them out yet. Still, I could not get that verse off my mind, it stood out to me in a way that I could not stop thinking about it.
When I read that verse, I was towards the beginning of a season where I was trying to get closer to God. I hadn’t grown up in church, so my understanding of Him was surface-level. I knew I was Christian, I knew I believed that Jesus died on the cross and rose for our sins, but that was about it. I had spent much of my adult life seeking a deeper connection with God, but I never had a good guide or someone I could ask, so I always felt like I was missing something. Things started to shift that day when I was reading Ephesians 5:25. I actually even remember reading it when it hit me differently. I was sitting in my home office taking a break during my workday and I had opened the bible. I started to feel like I was being called to love my wife differently than I was. I realized I hadn’t been loving my wife the way Christ loves the church, but I wanted to. I knew that if I could figure out how to do that, my relationship with God could be transformed.
Looking back, I can now recognize that it was the Holy Spirit starting to show up in my life and come near me.
The Journey Begins: Asking the Right Questions
The changes didn’t start to happen all at once. I didn’t suddenly become the perfect husband after reading that verse. In fact, it was just the beginning of a long journey—a journey I’m still on today. But that’s the beauty of it. Loving like Christ isn’t a one-time decision. It’s something we commit to every single day.
When I first read that verse, I didn’t fully understand what it meant, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I kept asking myself, “Am I loving my wife like Christ loves the church?” The answer was always “no”. But instead of getting discouraged, I let that question guide my actions. I consciously worked on creating the habit of every time I interacted with my wife, I’d internally ask myself, “Is this how Christ would love the church?” It had to be a conscious effort to create that habit of mentally asking myself that question. I could not get that verse off my mind (and I still can’t). Over time, I began to see my shortcomings as through God’s eyes and as I was realizing my shortcomings of how I loved and treated my wife was not glorifying or honoring God, I slowly started the effort to make small changes.
I started paying more attention to the way I spoke to her, how I reacted when I was frustrated, and how I treated her on a day-to-day basis. I started to pay attention to if I was letting the stresses of my day dictate how I treated my wife at home. It wasn’t about perfection. It was about progress. I didn’t try to fix everything all at once, but I did make small changes with my mindset and the intent that these changes would honor God. Those changes indeed brought me closer to God, and God in return brought me closer to my wife.
A Realization That Changed Everything
As I continued to reflect on Ephesians 5:25, I had a realization that started to change everything for me: marriage wasn’t just a relationship; it could be a way to worship God. This wasn’t something I understood overnight, but through prayer, reflection, and seeking…begging for God’s wisdom, I started to see marriage in a whole new light.
Think about it like this: when an architect designs a cathedral or a painter creates a biblical scene, they’re using their talents to glorify God. Their work becomes a form of worship because it points to something greater than themselves. In the same way, I realized that I could use my marriage as a way to worship God. My role as a husband wasn’t just about making my wife happy—it was about honoring God through the way I loved her. To have the kind of marriage that others would see and not think “good for them” but see it and immediately know and understand that it's a marriage that points to God.
This was when the Holy Spirit started to show up in my marriage. The focus shifted from trying to fix our marriage to trying to honor God in every interaction with my wife. When I started approaching marriage that way, everything changed. Loving my wife became my way of worshiping God and showing Him I am trying to be better in His eyes. And as I did that—as I focused on glorifying Him—our relationship naturally grew stronger. The closeness, the love, the peace we found in our marriage were byproducts of putting God first.
The goal wasn’t to have a perfect marriage. The goal was to honor God, and in doing so, He blessed me and our marriage beyond what I could have imagined.
Love as a Daily Choice
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in this journey is that love is a daily choice. It’s not just a feeling or a passing emotion; it’s a decision you make every single day. And when you choose to love your spouse with intention—when you choose grace, forgiveness, and kindness—you’re building a foundation that makes marriage easier than you ever thought it could be.
I used to think love was something that just happened, that you can fall in and out of it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. For us to love like Christ takes effort, but it’s effort that brings incredible rewards. I started making small choices every day. I didn’t know what choices to make, but I started looking for them. Then after an interaction I would debrief myself and ask how I did or could have made a better choice to love like Christ. Even during discussions or times that were going well, I would still focus on creating the habit of asking myself if I am or just did, treat my wife with the love of Christ. When I was frustrated, I’d pause and ask myself, “Is this how Christ loves the church?” When I was tired or impatient, I’d remind myself of the calling God has given me as a husband. And slowly, those small choices started to add up.
It didn’t feel like work anymore. It felt like love. And the more I chose to love my wife like Christ loves the church, the closer we grew.
A Constant Reminder
To keep this commitment front and center in my life, I got a tattoo of Ephesians 5:25 on my ring finger. My wife and I owned a gym, and wearing a traditional wedding ring wasn’t practical or safe in a free weight environment, so I chose a permanent reminder instead of the common silicone rings. Now, every time I see that tattoo—whether I’m driving, working, at the grocery store, or even writing this right now—I’m reminded of my responsibility to love my wife the way Christ loves the church. I see this tattoo hundreds of times a day, every time I use my hands. Right now, as I type this for you, I see it and it’s reminding me to love my wife in a way that glorifies God.
It’s not just a symbol of a bible verse; it’s a constant reminder of the calling God has placed on my life. It is a way He has given me, and all of us, a way to worship Him, experience Him, and receive amazing blessings. I’m not close to perfect, but I’m striving to live up to His expectations every day.
Worshiping God Through Marriage
What does it really mean to worship God through your marriage? It’s not about making grand, extravagant gestures. It’s actually about intent. It’s about the everyday moments—the small but significant decisions we make in how we love, honor, and serve our spouse. Marriage can be a powerful form of worship when we realize that the relationship we have with our spouse is a direct reflection of our relationship with God.
Christ’s love for the church sets an impossibly high standard for how we’re called to love our spouse. When the Bible talks about “the church,” it isn’t referring to a building or a place, but to people. In 1 Corinthians 3:16, Paul reminds us, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?” The church is the body of believers, the community of people who are joined together in faith.It is me. It is you. We are the church that Christ loves. Loving our spouse as Christ loves the church means to love your spouse how Christ loves you. I had to take a lot of time to really meditate on that, to understand that I am called to love my wife in the way that Jesus loves me.
Christ’s love for the church isn’t about the walls or pews—it’s about His deep, sacrificial love for each of us, His people. This love is selfless, unbreakable, and full of grace. In Ephesians 5:25, when Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” he’s calling us to reflect that same kind of love in our marriage. This isn’t a love that serves its own needs or seeks something in return; it’s a love that gives itself away, a love that chooses to serve, to honor, and to forgive. It’s the love that Jesus demonstrated throughout His life, from washing His disciples’ feet to laying down His life on the cross.
Worship isn’t just something that happens on Sunday mornings within four walls. Worship is meant to fill every part of our lives, including our marriage. It’s in the small acts of kindness, the daily decisions to serve, and the willingness to put our spouse’s needs above our own that we turn our marriage into a form of worship. By loving our spouse the way Christ loves us, we’re showing God’s love in action, reflecting His presence in the everyday moments.
When we invite God into our marriage, seeking to love our spouse as Christ loves us, we’re engaging in a holy act of worship. Every act of love, every small gesture of kindness and forgiveness, becomes a part of that worship. It’s not only about building a strong marriage; it’s about honoring God, making every moment an opportunity to reflect His love.
It took me time to really grasp this idea. I didn’t always see my marriage as something that could be used to honor God. They always felt like two separate and unrelated things. I thought love was more about the feelings I had toward my wife or the romantic gestures I could offer. But I began to realize that love is more than a feeling—it’s a decision. It’s something you choose to do every day, even when it’s not easy. And when you make those choices with the intention of honoring God, it becomes an act of worship.
Loving your spouse in a way that reflects Christ’s love means going beyond convenience and comfort. It’s about the little things—choosing to serve when you yourself are exhausted , choosing to listen when you’d rather be something else, or being patient when frustration sets in(we've all been there). These moments, though small, give you the power to choose to transform your marriage into a reflection of God’s love.
Living Out Your Faith in Marriage
Living out your faith doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s not about being perfect or getting everything right all the time. It’s about consistently making the choice to reflect God’s love in your marriage. When we live with intention, even the smallest actions can strengthen our relationship with our spouse and deepen our faith.
Faith in marriage isn’t just about the big, spiritual moments. It’s about the daily interactions that may seem insignificant but are actually where growth happens. It’s in the quiet, mundane routines that we can honor God by showing love, patience, and grace to our spouse. And the more we live out our faith in these small ways, the stronger our marriage becomes.
What I learned over time is that making these small, intentional choices helps build a relationship that isn’t just strong—it’s rooted in faith. The foundation of our marriage shifted when we started to view every interaction as a chance to reflect the love of God. And it’s from this place that our relationship really started to grow and flourish!
Choosing Worship in Marriage
The more you focus on the intent to choose to worship God through your marriage, the more peace and joy you’ll find in your relationship. It doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. When you make the intentional choice to love your spouse in a way that honors God, you’ll start to see transformation—not only in your relationship but in your own heart and life!
The amazing thing about choosing to worship God through marriage is that it strengthens every aspect of your life. When we align our relationship with God’s design and live in a way that reflects His love, the challenges of life become easier to navigate. Marriage becomes a place where joy, peace, and fulfillment naturally flow.The blessings you will receive in your marriage will be multiplied so much that they will overflow into all aspects of your life.
Practical Steps for Worshiping God Through Your Marriage
Here are a few practical ways to help you start using your marriage as a way to honor and worship God:
Serve Each Other: Small Acts, Big Impact
Serving each other doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about finding small, meaningful ways to show love and care for your spouse every day, and creating a habit out of them. These small actions add up over time and create a deep sense of appreciation and love in your marriage.
One example you can start today: Take on a chore your spouse dislikes. Maybe your spouse dreads doing the dishes after dinner or folding laundry at the end of the week. Even if you don’t enjoy those tasks either, doing them for your spouse is a powerful act of love. If they do not have any chores they don’t specifically like, start doing one anyway to help them. For me, the first thing I decided to do when I had this realization was to take on the dishes. My wife isn’t a fan of doing them, and neither am I, but I chose to do it as a way to serve her. When I was starting to look for ways to serve her, I realized it was rude that I let her cook food for me, and then allowed her to have to clean up after she just worked to feed me. I didn’t tell her why I started doing them. She noticed, appreciated and eventually, she asked, but it’s important to remember that I wasn’t doing them just for her—I was doing them to honor God by serving her.
Another real-life way to serve each other: Prepare something special, like coffee or breakfast, as a way to make their day better. You know your spouse’s morning routine, step in and do something simple to ease their day. If they normally make coffee first thing in the morning, help them by having it ready when they wake up. My wife does this for me and I really have gratitude for it. Or, prepare breakfast without being asked. Or if they have a water cup they normally take to work, have it filled for them. It’s not about the size of the act, but the intent and the thoughtfulness behind it. Small surprises like this communicate, “I see YOU, and I care about YOU.”
Finally, consider this: Anticipate your spouse’s needs before they ask. Let’s say your spouse has had a long, stressful day at work. Before they even say anything, maybe you could run a warm bath for them, or have their favorite blanket and a snack ready. Maybe your spouse works on their feet all day and likes to get their shoes off at the end of the day, have their house shoes ready for them, or if you pick them up from work, bring them with you so they can put them on in the car. You may think this sounds like I am telling you to do the things expected of a 40’s housewife, but I am not, I'm just asking you to serve without framing it as anything other than a means to intentionally worship God through acts of service in your marriage. Serving each other can be as simple as paying attention to what your spouse needs in the moment and doing something small that lifts their spirits. Taking their plate to the kitchen for them even can be a small, but meaningful act of service.
Serving isn’t about keeping score—it’s about choosing to love selflessly in everyday life. And this pleases God.
