Introduction: A Journey to the Happiest Marriage
Marriage is one of life’s most beautiful gifts God has given us on this side of reality. It’s full of joy, laughter, and moments of deep connection, but it also brings challenges, struggles, and times of testing. Whether you’re in a season of joy or difficulty right now, I want you to know that something truly, wonderful and spiritual is about to happen in your marriage. No matter where your marriage is today, it has the potential to grow stronger, deeper, and more fulfilling than you ever thought possible. I’m not just saying that to sound encouraging. I believe it with everything in me because I’ve experienced it firsthand.
My wife and I have what I believe is the happiest marriage imaginable—the kind of relationship that seems almost too good to be true. I believe that God has personally blessed our marriage and smiles on our efforts to grow closer to Him through the gift of marriage He has given to us. You know those Hallmark Christmas movies where everything seems to fall into place perfectly at the end? Well, we have the kind of love that those movies try to capture, but it’s even better because it’s real. And here’s what I want to tell you: you can have this kind of marriage too.
We didn’t just stumble into this happiness. It didn’t happen by chance or luck. Our marriage didn’t start perfect, and we didn’t just “fall into” this kind of love like some fairy tale. We had to work for it—hard. We had to make intentional choices, invest in each other, and, most importantly, make God the center of our relationship. The joy we experience today didn’t come without sacrifice, commitment, and an unwavering determination to make our marriage about more than just the two of us.
In the early years of our marriage, I would describe what we had as a “worldly marriage.” Now, that doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with our love at the time—it was real. But it was a love that, looking back, was mostly driven by feelings. You know those feelings—serotonin and dopamine, the natural highs that come with infatuation and excitement. In the beginning, everything feels new and exciting. That’s the love we often see in movies, where everything is effortless and emotions run high. But as anyone who’s been married for a while knows, those feelings start to fade. The rush doesn’t last. And when the emotions subside, many of us make the mistake of thinking it means we’re falling out of love.
And that’s where we missed the mark at first. When the initial rush of emotions wore off, we found ourselves in a place of confusion. We wondered, “Is this it? Is this what marriage is supposed to feel like?” We didn’t realize then what we know now—that real, lasting love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice. Love is something you commit to every single day, whether the feelings from serotonin and dopamine have run out or not. And that’s where the true beauty of marriage lies. Once we understood that love was more than emotion and chemicals, once we started to make daily, intentional choices to love, serve, and care for each other—even when it was hard—God started showing up.
There was a time when we didn’t know what was going to happen to our relationship. Like many couples, we faced real problems. Our marriage had its fair share of misunderstandings, arguments, and moments of disconnection. We were both struggling to figure out how to make this relationship work, and at times, it felt like we were on the verge of giving up. But in the midst of that difficult season, something powerful happened.
One day, while reading my bible and trying to find God, I came upon a verse I had seen a thousand times, but this time, I read it in a way that verse would change everything: Ephesians 5:25—“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” I had heard that verse before, but this time, it hit me differently. Since that day, I have thought about that verse every single day of my life since. It became something that I could not get out of my heart or off my mind. In hindsight, I believe that the Holy Spirit had been responsible for placing that verse in my heart in a way I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t just an ideal or a nice sentiment. It became a blueprint—a call to action. This verse challenged me to love my wife with the same selflessness, grace, and sacrifice that Christ shows to the Church. The more I thought about how to love my wife as Christ loves the church, it started to dawn on me exactly how high of a standard that is! But it was exactly what I needed.
It was at that moment that I realized something: my love for my wife had to be more than just feelings. It had to be a choice—an intentional, daily decision to love her the way Christ loves the Church. If you have never tried to think out what that looks like, that’s not an easy verse to really wrap your mind around. Christ’s love for us is extravagant, patient, kind, and self-sacrificing. He loved us even when we were difficult to love. He loves us so much, He literally was nailed to a cross to show us His impossibly high standard of love. And that’s the kind of love I knew I needed to bring into my marriage.
That verse became so important to me that I actually tattooed it on my ring finger. I wanted it to be a constant reminder of what I had committed to figuring out how to live out. The tattoo wasn’t just practical (we owned a gym, so wearing a traditional ring wasn’t always safe); it was also a constant, visual reminder of the commitment I made to love my wife like Christ loves the Church. Every time I gripped the steering wheel, or every time I reached out to hold her hand, every time I typed on the computer, I saw and still see that verse. It reminds me of my calling to love her selflessly, graciously, and sacrificially.
For a while, I kept this new perspective to myself, maybe a year or longer. I wasn’t sure how to talk about it or how to explain the changes I was feeling inside. I even felt a little silly thinking of marriage as a form of worship. But I didn’t need to say anything at first. I just started living it out in small, practical ways—choosing love in moments where frustration could have taken over, serving her without expecting anything in return, being more intentional about listening and understanding her needs. As I started being more aware and intentional in these actions, even before she knew what I was doing or why, significant changes started to happen in our relationship. .
And when I finally shared this mindset with my wife, something incredible happened. She quickly and enthusiastically embraced it fully. She had already seen the changes happening in me and how I treated her. She appreciated the intentional shift in my mindset, and she wanted to be a part of it. That’s when our marriage truly began to transform. It wasn’t an overnight change, but little by little, we both started to see our marriage differently. We started to see it as a way to honor God.
When we made the decision to view our marriage as a form of worship, our relationship changed. We realized that our relationship wasn’t just about the two of us—it was a reflection of our relationship with God. Every act of love, every kind word, and every moment of forgiveness became a way to glorify Him. And as we began to love each other with that perspective, our marriage wasn’t just surviving—it was thriving in incredible ways it had not before. We were growing closer, not just to each other, but to God. Our relationship became a partnership with Him at the center, and that’s when we started to experience the deep joy and connection we had always longed for. With God at the center of our marriage, as long as we were both trying to come closer to Him, we were coming closer to each other.
An Invitation to a Better Marriage
This book is an invitation to walk this journey with us. It’s not just about having a “good marriage” or even a “happy marriage”—it’s about discovering what it means to have the kind of marriage that honors God and a marriage He blesses. A marriage that not only brings you joy but also honors God in every way. I believe that your marriage can be a gift that reflects God’s love and brings fulfillment to both of you. And I’m here to show you how my wife and I made that shift.
We didn’t get lucky. We didn’t stumble into this joy by accident. We made intentional choices to center our marriage on God, and I am going to share those exact practices with you. These are the same practices that helped us not only grow closer to each other but also draw nearer to God. And my hope and prayer is that by the time you finish this book, you’ll have discovered a new depth in your relationship and feel the presence of God and the Holy Spirit flooding your marriage with love.
Now, let me be honest—the path to a great marriage isn’t always easy. It takes hard work, daily commitment, and a willingness to love even when it’s difficult. There will be days when it feels easier to be frustrated than to choose love. There will be moments when forgiveness feels like a big task. But I want to encourage you: it is absolutely possible to, and you will, have a marriage that’s filled with love, grace, and unity. Every step you take towards a stronger, more God-centered marriage will bring you closer to each other and closer to God.
A Journey of Daily Choices
Throughout this book, I’ll walk you through the principles, practices, and heart changes that helped take our marriage from ordinary to heavenly extraordinary. Each chapter will guide you through different aspects of love, sacrifice, intimacy, and spiritual growth. You’ll learn how to create the mindset to see your marriage through a new lens—a lens that sees every moment as an opportunity to worship God through your relationship. Along the way, you’ll find practical exercises, reflections, and prayers that will help you live out these principles in your own marriage.
I’m not just here to give you advice—I’m here to share my story. I’ve been walking this path, searching for God and finding my place with Him by honoring Him through my marriage. I sat down with Ephesians 5:25, prayed about that verse, and decided to learn how to make my marriage an offering to God. This path will be new for most people; it’s a way of living that even the concept of will be foreign to many. But I’ve walked this path, and I believe God put it in my heart to create a clear way forward for you. Looking back, I realize that He didn’t just do this for me; He’s been working through me to help you experience the same blessings He’s shown to my wife and I.
I’m opening up our struggles, our victories, and the lessons we’ve learned along the way. This journey is one of hope, transformation, and intentional love, and I want to walk alongside you to make sure you reach that same destination. Whether your marriage is just beginning, you’re in a season of frustration, facing a crisis that feels insurmountable, or even in the happiest season you’ve known, I believe the practices in this book can help you build a marriage that glorifies God. It’s a journey to bring you closer to Him and to your spouse, in ways deeper than you ever imagined.
So, are you ready? Are you ready to take that first step toward creating the kind of love that not only stands the test of time but also reflects God’s design for marriage? If so, let’s begin this journey together.
I want to start by again emphasizing something important: this is not a quick-fix, “three steps to happiness” kind of book. This is a journey—a process that will require intention, dedication, patience, and, most importantly, a heart surrendered to God. The transformation my wife and I experienced in our marriage didn’t happen overnight. It happened through a series of intentional choices, and a willingness to grow, even when it was uncomfortable. That’s what I’m inviting you into—growth that stretches you, shapes you, and ultimately brings you closer to the Glory of God and your spouse.
As you walk through the chapters of this book, you’ll notice that we return to the idea of marriage as worship over and over again. That’s because I firmly believe that when you see your marriage through the lens of worship, your mindset changes. The daily frustrations, the minor irritations, the misunderstandings that might once have derailed your connection—they begin to pale in comparison to the bigger picture of what God is doing in and through your relationship. You begin to see that every act of love, every sacrifice, and every moment of grace is an opportunity to honor God.
I know that this might sound undoable, or too difficult, or just a nice thought. You might be wondering, how can I possibly live that out every day? I get it. That is exactly what I was trying to figure out. There were moments in our marriage when I felt like I was failing, like I couldn’t live up to the standard I was trying to set for myself, of loving my wife as Christ loves the Church. But here’s what I learned: it’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. Just like in business, incremental improvements. It’s about taking one step at a time, one day at a time, and trusting that as you do, God will meet you in your efforts. He will provide the grace, strength, and wisdom you need to love your spouse well, even when it’s hard. Seriously, as you do this, He does it with you.
If you are early in your marriage, or have been having struggles—there probably will still be hard days. There will be moments when you feel frustrated, misunderstood, or disconnected from your spouse. You’re going to have moments where you wonder if you are doing this correctly, or if you can ever get it at all. But those are the opportunities you are looking for to grow.
I talk about mindset because, like anything else in life, your mindset will define your ability to achieve your goal. Working on your mindset is challenging but mostly internal. Actions—changing our responses, our words, how we choose to act in moments of stress or conflict—are active. But here’s something deeper to consider: real love, the kind that has the power to transform, is more than a mindset or a feeling. The Bible tells us that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). This doesn’t mean that God simply shows love or feels love—it means that love is who He is at His very core. Love is God’s essence, His nature, His being. God is literally love. When you and your spouse are treating each other in a way that fills your marriage with love, that love, that is God. You are filling your marriage with God Himself.
So, when we experience or express genuine love, we’re touching a part of God Himself. It’s not merely an emotion or action; it’s participating in the reality of who God is. Every time we choose to love, we are inviting God’s presence into our lives, because love is God’s language and His very nature. This makes love something sacred, something far beyond our culture’s definition of romance or affection. Loving our spouse with this understanding turns our marriage into a living testimony of God’s character.
Think about it: if God is love, then when we love others—especially in the covenant of marriage—we are actively reflecting His presence. Choosing to love, to forgive, to serve, and to be kind isn’t just about building a healthy relationship; it’s about aligning our lives with the will of God Himself. Love becomes more than a goal to strive for; it becomes a powerful way of worshiping God, as we’re embodying His very essence. Your marriage becomes an offering to Him.
This perspective transforms our mindset. It means that love in marriage is not just a task or duty; it’s a holy, active reflection of God. It’s why loving our spouse well—honoring, serving, and sacrificing for them—draws us closer to God. When you love with the intent to honor God, you are aligning your heart with His, and that connection invites Him into every part of your life, including your marriage.
Imagine every loving action, every kind word, every moment of forgiveness or selflessness as an encounter with God. You’re not only strengthening your bond with your spouse; you’re experiencing God’s presence in a very real, tangible way. This understanding creates a cycle: the more we love, the closer we are to God, and the closer we are to God, the more capable we are of loving deeply and genuinely. It’s a cycle that builds on itself, deepening both our relationship with God and with each other.
God being love means that when we live out love intentionally, we’re allowing Him to work through us, making our marriage a space where He can be seen and felt. So, in this journey, loving each other isn’t just about maintaining a relationship—it’s about participating in God’s own nature. Love becomes more than an action; it becomes a sacred act of worship, drawing you, your spouse, and God into an even closer, unbreakable bond.
One of the key lessons I learned through our journey is that marriage as worship is a constant practice of selflessness. It’s about putting your spouse’s needs before your own, not because you’re trying to earn their love or approval, but because that’s what love is. Love is a choice to serve, to sacrifice, to give—day after day. And when you make that choice, you’re not just building a stronger relationship with your spouse; you’re building a deeper connection with God. You’re aligning your heart with His heart, and that’s where true joy and fulfillment are found.
But let me be clear: this kind of love doesn’t come naturally to any of us. It’s not something we’re born knowing how to do. In fact, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, to look out for our own needs first. But God’s love—the kind of love we’re called to model in marriage—is radically different. It’s a love that gives without expecting anything in return. It’s a love that forgives, even when forgiveness is hard, or not asked for. It’s a love that says, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” even when everything inside of you wants to retreat.
That’s why I believe so strongly in the power of God’s presence in marriage. We can’t do this on our own. We need His grace to love our spouse the way He calls us to. We need His strength to overcome the challenges that marriage inevitably brings. And we need His wisdom to navigate the complexities of two people becoming one. The good news is, God is ready and willing to pour out His grace, strength, and wisdom in your marriage—if you’re willing to invite Him in.
In the chapters that follow, you’ll find practical tools and biblical principles that my wife and I have used to build a marriage that not only brings us joy but also glorifies God. But more than that, you’ll find an invitation to experience something deeper—something that goes beyond the typical advice you hear about communication, conflict resolution, or intimacy. You’ll find an opportunity to worship God in a new way that will transform your marriage into something that reflects His love in a way that impacts not only you and your spouse but everyone around you.
I believe with all my heart that your marriage can become a living, breathing testimony of God’s love. I believe that as you pursue Him together, you’ll experience a love that goes beyond what you ever thought possible. And I believe that no matter how happy you already are, the best days of your marriage are ahead of you, not behind you.
This is more than a book—it’s an invitation to experience a love that goes beyond anything you’ve ever known. It is an opportunity to workshop God in a new way and see Him personally work in your life. It’s a journey toward the happiest marriage you can imagine, and it’s all possible because of the God who designed marriage in the first place. Together, we’ll discover what it means to love like Christ, to serve like Christ, and to build a marriage that reflects His heart.
Let’s take that first step. Let’s begin this journey. The best is yet to come for your marriage, and I can’t wait to see what God will do.
